Life of a Kat

I'm in the middle of trying to grasp meanings. I'm in the state of just trying to get through the day with all those commitments and self-care. Dragging myself to moments that I can just be alone and get lost into working, and scrolling and going back to working and thinking about useless things in my head. Positivity is gold and indeed it is a struggle to find and keep on top of everything. Life has this tendency to veer towards negativity and worthless and those that would lead to self-destruction. Bumping into Jordan Peterson's 12 Rules in Life has been very timely. Despite the secularistic intents of the rules, I would like to think that it is by His Grace that keep trying to find desire to move forward and live a good life. As I keep telling myself, despite the upcoming challenges, I intend to not change anything with my goals. As a reminder from a friend, I will always have a home to come home to. For now, let me keep taking care of myself because only ...

I'm still on the restless mode. And grateful for the energy that I have, I just need to be able to re-divert it to what is really important. Quite a struggle. I promised abstinence in social media, but I still slip and most of the time, I am over the time limit. Hayst. Working on it. One thing I am proud of myself is the opportunity to be chosen as part of the team of authors for the Student and Teacher Manuals for a Design Thinking Process-based Robotics competition for high schools in the Philippines! The project is demanding and humbling and makes me more grateful than ever all at the same time. One of these days, I will sit down and reflect on the experience and write it all down.

I checked my calendar and it seems that my period is due again soon. Which means that my hormones are up and crazy again. My emotions are in its roller coaster rides, overwhelming and as usual, if ever, I would probably have chosen to just sit in a corner, cry for various petty reasons and waste my time sulking. Fighting it all back is such a struggle, but I am here. Typing this out while in the passenger seat. Next to the owner of the school I work for, fighting back the tears, just trying to get through the day.  One consolation I have for now is the thought that there is someone waiting for me at home-- in flesh. My friend and her daughter are in town for 10 days. 

365 QOTD What recently happened that made you so proud of yourself? *Deep sigh* I can't really think of anything big or special or extraordinary that happened recently in my life. Knowing that none of my plans will come to reality in the next few weeks, some had even been busted already, it is just hard to think of things to be grateful and proud for myself. But if you would consider getting up early, getting ready for work and maintaining that happy face in front of the kids and colleagues and friends and  the struggle to keep the daily energy and routine going despite negavibes and all, I think I can be proud of myself for that. ********************************* Got up early to prepare bento but I didn't really get to eat the konyaku I prepared as rice substitute. Before that, breakfast was just bread and butter and coffee in soymilk and that dietary fiber supplement and the MemoPlus tablet I try to take every day. Day in school was quite normal. I have been tryi...

A question to ask myself regularly: What choice can I make and what action can I take in this moment to create greatest net value?  Morning walk so far has been about this podcast. And I am happy of the choice I had made.  The conversation is centered on value dynamics of the things that we do and it all boils down to human experience.  At the end of the day, we want ourselves and others to have a worthwhile experience.  Monday hits and looking forward to an awesome week ahead of me. 

I am recycling a notebook and saw this note without a date. 

365 QOTD Have you played the lottery? The real ones? Not really me, but my uncle would usually ask me to go to the lottery booth along the way home so I can check in his numbers. I never really had luck in randomness. But I still believe that the best things happen unexpectedly. How weird, ironic or hopeless my trail of thought could ever be. ****************** Saturday flew by quickly. As planned and not-so planned. The morning private class went by swiftly as very conversational-type. He said that for the month of August he would like to take a break and resume classes in September. Behind that is a message that he doesn't seem to be needing my service anymore and a subtle way of saying, "I don't wanna pay for this crappy service anymore." I had been so unprepared lately, no more online postings of future lessons, no checking ins and outs, just really come in, get on with the hour and be done with it. So irresponsible of me, I know. I really need to ...

I had a conversation with this old guy last night because he is looking for a 30-ish female English conversation teacher for a student he has in the university. Then, he started off checking my credentials and life in Miyazaki. Then, he started shooting off with his own stints in Miyazaki and since he mentioned about retiring I jokingly dropped off that I would be happy to learn from him as I am on that career path of building a steadier career. Mentioned about my big dream and all I got was this:  Thirty years?! Imagine that at 30 years and you haven't seen any thing has changed. I am so glad he is retiring. Lol.  Also, I am a teacher, who else would I concentrate at: the kids of course!  In 30 years, how old will they be? In their early 30s and hopefully they will be the ones taking over these jobs and other jobs this generation will be making for them.  He ended the night on a good note. Politely said good night and looking forward to ch...