24 Dec 2020

It is a rainy day as I prepare myself for a 4-hr trip to meet friends in the next city. We will be spending Christmas eve together on an Airbnb rented apartment. We were all not able to go back to the Philippines as this pandemic is still on its heights of slaying health, economy and sanity all over the world. 

2020 is a year not once had I got to hug my family, pet our dogs and come home to our little dilapidated kubo and muse on the thoughts that we still don't have a nice house. That it makes me feel a bit of a failure that we haven't started on the house to think that my first goal of working abroad is for that. 

2020 is the year that I got to say a lot of I love you's to my mom and dad every time we had to end a video chat. It is the year that I get to catch many jokes and stories with my parents on our almost-daily virtual chats. It is the year that I was able to handle difficult conversations with my younger siblings over finances, emotions and leadership. 

2020 is a year I had opened myself to a non-committal relationship in exchange for company and I think, for whatever it is worth for, I would like to pat myself for being brave and for holding no expectations over another human being while learning to be honest about feelings and needs. I am still afraid to ask the difficult questions but I would like to think that it is not my task to define, I would let time make it all clear for me. 

2020 is a year I had taken big tasks and had learned to slowed down when I feel like I am falling apart and picking up on where I had left off. I used to chase for time and opportunity. I had learned to slow down and not be too hardon myself whenever I miss targets. 

2020 is a year where I had gotten myself into a series of rejections yet I kept pushing for the goal knowing that there is no other choice but to keep trying. That driver's license acquisition had swiped clean my savings, created inner battles of doubts and courage and prayerful days. I still am not confident to drive, but that is for another list of tasks to improve on.  

2020 is a year I lost my focus on academic writing. But I vowed to myself that I will pick up as soon as I can in 2021. 

It is Christmas, yet I am talking about the year it had been. In Christmas, we celebrate the birth of Jesus Christ who had died and saved a sinner like me. It is because of Him and the Father that I had been able to endure. It is by faith of trusting and Their generosity for blessings that gave strength and courage to thread 2020 as one of the hardest year yet also one of the most amazing year in my life. 

Happy Birthday, Jesus Christ! I write this as a year reminder that we celebrate You and Your being a prophecy to die and be risen again to rescue a sinner like me.