21 June 2023

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Some things missing in my life. 

Financial security 
Energy 
Living up to a purpose 

I wish I still had the level of energy I used to have a few years ago when I can wake up early, drive up to a hill, enjoy the rising sun, camp out and be able to do physical activity that had made me strong and with more energy .

I wish I am more active on the circles of purpose I used to be so active into. 

I wish I had the sense of carelessness I used to have and be able to travel more and more. And still be able to fulfill financial duties I had put myself into. 

I think, just like others, I am deserving of such things but I am just not having the proper attitude on being able to do those things. Waking up early and typing things like this and doing small things to get accomplished. 

Graduating a complete MA degree may just not be in the cards given the kind of teaching environment I am at but I don't think that is an issue. I am just looking at Language Education at an angle where I can't see the enlightenment I needed. At this point, the mentor I have are the books, journals and reading materials I can have access freely and hopefully, in the near future, I get that mentor I pray for. I can still graduate. 

I see a lot of my friends graduating and pursuing higher goals, be it business and or post grad and I know that they have their own struggles too. They are with the right circle to keep them going forward and the people motivating them and of course, the scholarships they need to sustain their education. 

The energy, motivation and mentorship are missing coz I just suddenly stopped doing things. I keep scrolling and scrolling and stopped reading and reading. I kept looking at other people's lives, comparing mine and losing my focus and I got stuck. 

Little things can be done. Stop scrolling. Reading. Reading. Reading and then just putting myself out there again coz that's how it all started before and with the nature of life that I am in right now, I can still pick up my purpose right from there. 

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