23 June 2023

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Most of the times, I feel so connected to the world, overly connected that I am so lost as to what could I positively do with my own life. As for people, I am very much connected with my partner and I am grateful for it. We are able to have so many levels of conversations- from crazy to really more life-changing plans and demands for personal and couple's growth. Also, I am growing this habit of early morning conversations with my mother. At around 9AM JST, I give her a video call and try to catch her on her busy moments of tending to her mini vegetable garden, setting up her sewing machine, or probably I just bothered her as she was watching some tutorial videos about gardening and cooking. 

Over all, I feel connected, there are people who had suddenly felt I stopped connections with, but for sure it wasn't intentional. Life has just taken over in a different manner at this point and I am just gonna stay connected to those I care most, until they feel like connecting again or I would have the opportunity myself to get reconnected. 

The daily conversations with my mother felt I am more connected than ever before. It was nice to listen to her speak her thoughts, her worries about us not yet having our own place, her small joys in her daily tasks, the enjoyment of solitude as people in the house are busy running their own lives. 

Hearing the chattering sound of the keys on my keyboard right now as I type feels I am connected to my thoughts. 

Actions and conversations, makes me feel connected. 

I am pushing myself to live with all the values that were taught to me as a child- that of family, honesty, hard work and faith, of course. I keep veering away from it as I am that stubborn, but the Lord is still very kind and merciful to have connected me with the right circle of people to keep holding on to my faith, 

Values List 

Faith in God 

Kindness

Hardwork 

Integrity 

Honesty 

Proper Stewardship 

These are the first ones that come to mind. 

Every time, I am grateful to have learned the right path at a very young age and though it had never been easy, life has been full of stories of people having the same struggles but trying their best to keep walking the right path with the Lord. 

Last night, I took time to scroll back to the kind of active self I used to have. Back to the days that I had been studying, working, exercising and just living the life. There was so much joy. Ideally, it would be more fun now that I have partner, but I am missing on some things and writing right now, makes me realize that. I miss the action, the studying and the living. Because I stopped as I felt overwhelmed with the joy of knowing that I am not alone, and seriously, he is also enjoying the kind of things I used to enjoy and we agreed that we will do more active stuff and he will help me be able to do things I enjoy so much. 

Life has been good. Despite all the setbacks and earning the hard truths of my previous actions, I am being rewarded with the initial pains of healing and growth. Then, it will all get better in time. 

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