Life of a Kat

1. I realized how my mom enjoys following through my social media posted stories. I told myself that I will keep posting more stories-- for several purposes: for the fun of it and for my mom. It is gonna be her birthday soon and it was such a bad decision to ask her what she wants.... She wants a thermal massager bed worth Php 150,000. Told her, it was perfect as a Christmas gift as it gives us time to save up and for the item to be on discount! HAHA. ******* 2. Life has been good. Not perfect, yet I know that I just need to keep my head above water and my life in motion just so I can keep going. I was able to survive almost a year with less than average of a paycheck, now that I have a little bit more, that means, I have more opportunity for saving and little investments to start with. Little steps. Small goals. Big dreams. You got this, Kat. Always remember that you got an Amazing God backing up your every plan, a loving family and wonderful friends all over. Don't wo...

I can't stop crying. Lord, the days are getting harder and harder for reasons I am having a hard time figuring out why. It has been harder and harder to get through the days without having to squeezing feelings on my chest and the feel to just cry and just be weak. It is tiring to be strong. It is using so much energy. Lord, let me find my peace in solitude. Keep me reminded that I have such a good life filled with Your grace, knowing that I have Jesus in me and that I have a family praying for me. Lord, give me the strength to shoo away the whispers in my head about being needy, lonely and purposeless. Never let me go, Lord. Another day had gone. Another day tomorrow. I will close my eyes for  a good night sleep. Knowing that I will eventually find my way into with gladness and joy for service and living a good life worth-offering to the Lord when He comes again.

I knew it will be chilly outside. So after the gym class, I hurriedly changed clothes and headed out. I was prepared for the cold but not for the drizzles. I suddenly felt pity for myself and started fighting back the tears that had been wanting to roll down my cheeks earlier today. I suddenly felt the need to move out of Miyazaki but I am not sure where to start at all. To start with, I need to pinpoint why I am feeling this way, what factors are in play and how to calm them down just to make sure that my decision-making isn't based on the inner emotional somersault that I am battling with on a regular basis. I always tell myself, "If it is time to go, it is time to go." I always pray to God, "To give me the wisdom, for His discernment and guidance." I always tell myself, "Just keep doing what is right at the moment and something that won't harm others in any way." Am I a functional depressed person? Or am I just seeking attention? As ...

In 2015, two days before Valentine's Day, on a Thursday, I received a bouquet of long-stemmed white roses accented with a red one in the middle. Someone whom, I had an online encounter and became a social media friend sent it to me, anonymously at first and then he opened up himself through email that same afternoon. He sent me another set of of flowers the next month, this time with scentful stargazers and big daisies.  We never had the chance to meet in person. But I do know that he is happily engaged to a beautiful girl whom he had taken to his travels and adventures.  As to why we had never met in person, was my fault and now, as I write this, I have found peace and purpose for rejecting that invitation. It would have changed their life story, delayed their meeting or have never met at all, together with a devastated feeling and unrequited kind of love. Or maybe, I may have loved him but it will never be fair for him.  Five years ago it had been. Five years ago that I...

I booked that flight weeks before, looking into the cheapest possible plane fare I can grab. Deep inside, I am excited yet, as the days go by, I realized that I will be meeting these people for the first time. And I don't know what to expect. All I know is that we are relatives. Either way, as the days go by and the stress was building up again, I just can't wait but get onto that plane and be somewhere else. ********* They picked me up at the airport. After some time of figuring out where the parking lot is, I was welcomed with a hug by a lady in leather brown trench coat, wearing black-rimmed spectacles and white Alexander McQueen sneakers. Two young men were with her, her two kids, Kuya J1, the first born and the designated  holiday driver, presently-based in JP for his line of work. Kuya J2, the teenager and the birthday boy in town for holiday. "Sorry, we kept you waiting." said Kuya J1. "It's okay." I said with a smile on my face. Tita M d...

366 QOTD On a scale of 1-10, how is your health? Very timely question! With the nCov on the lose and the panic and sensationalized existence, we can't help but always freak out whenever. I have been nursing a dry throat, nasal voice and back and shoulder aches every now and then. At the gym, I am an irresponsible user as I have been always on my phone chatting and answering queries and all that. Friday gym time will be a lot better. Hopefully. ******* I'm thankful for mindfulness. There has been a lot of triggers for negative reactions around me and though I may have slipped in some occasions, so far, I am at a manageable state of emotion but I am definitely having a lot to complain about, to scream about and for sure, I also need to hear things that makes me as toxic as I am right now. Still grateful for the good weather days and very excited for the weekend to meet relatives in Tokyo. Next time, it will be my parents and my siblings. Thank you, Lord.