Life of a Kat

I am trying to find words to describe what I am craving for right now. I want to eat something, but I can’t pinpoint what I want to eat. I went to the grocery, but I can’t decide which one to buy. Then I ended up buying Nova, skyflakes and 2 sachets of instant coffee. When I got back to the office, I am not happy with what I bought. I still want something else. Something sweet? Something that melts in my mouth? Something… something… Help me pls….. This is a struggle I usually have a few days before my period arrives. On top of the mood swings and the emotional somersault happening inside me. The struggle is real. Worst, there's this needy feeling coming from the inside and I can't seem to forgive myself for being such. And I badly need a hug.

9:17 AM 1.        Wala kong Randomthoughts post nung May 2016. Anong ibig sabihin nun? Hokey. Tinamad ako or busy lang ako? 2.       Ito lang yung Sunday na wala kong pasok. Yahooo! Sige na nga, umabsent ako ng Saturday and Sunday nung April, kasi naglamyerda ko sa Baguio. At hanggang kalagitnaan ng July na lang na ganito ang weekends ko. Harinawa.  3.       Namimiss ko na mamundok. Akyat-akyat pls. 4.       Hindi ako pwedeng hingin ng pieces of advice tungkol sa love and relationship problems. I give the worst suggestions. Sobrang bitter suggestions. What is happening to me? 5.       Katatapos ko lang maglaba. Ang saya. Yung kwarto ko naman ang naghuhumiyaw, Fix me! Clean me! 6.       Naranasan ko na yung sumama sa HOHOL pero hindi talaga ko kasama kasi kaharap ko pa laptop ko at kelangan talaga malapit sa isang...

It's been more than a month now that I take the bus to and from school. The fare is 10 pesos higher than taking the jeep+briskwalk, but I don't mind it anymore as I get to reach school fresh in the morning. No more morning walks from the mall which means no more exercise for me.  With the regular bus rides, I had almost memorize the face of the people I share the ride with. We also seem to have our own seatplan. Same people sit at the same spot. As for me, I sit right across my crush, sitting face-to-face, though most the time, my face is buried to my Nihonggo book. But everytime I raise my head, I get a glimpse of him, enough to start my day right :)  I would usually manage to smile to some specially those whom I had come to recognize. I also try to say "Good morning" to the driver and the conductor.  I would notice that most of my busmates are in their yuppie yuppie corporate attire while I look like a college student with my backpack, jeans, tshirt and sneakers out...

A lot of people are aware that I'm back to teaching and that I spend my weekends learning Nihonggo in pursuit of greener pastures. Every time, I always get a positive push. It just means so much.  As I start a daily countdown of days down to that Sunday for the Japanese Language Proficiency Test, I have fears of falling short of expectations of others and of myself.  1: "Bakit ba hindi ka naniniwala sa sarili mo? Eh halos lahat kami sinasabi naming kayang-kaya mo."  2: "Matutuloy yan. Basta, makakaalis ka."  Me: "Ayokong masyadong magtiwala sa sarili ko. Alam kong kelangan ko yun pero natatakot akong masyadong magtiwala sa sarili ko. Mas masaya kapag lahat tayo makapasa diba? Kaya natin lahat to."  Me: "Sana nga talaga. Sana talaga."  There are really days that I just want to give up. Just go back to the usual office work and go on with my life. As simple as it used to be. Pay my bills without stretching the salary so much, but still with lim...

6:21 PM Sailor Venus: Should I give up or should I just keep chasing pavements? 6:22 PM Sailor Moon: Ay bakit? 6:25 PM Sailor Venus: We've been in a relationship for more than a year now. And pag me away, usually, kami din nag-uusap abt it. No friends to talk with. Sometimes I miss my old life. ~ ~ ~ 6:29 PM Sailor Venus: I skipped travels para wala away. I missed friends bonding para wala away. I'm fighthing my ego and pride. Ang hirap hirap :'( ~ 6:34 PM Sailor Venus: I don't know pero ayaw ko mawala sya. ~ ~ ~ 6:47 PM Sailor Mars: Kung masaya ka pa teh sa kanya, ayusin mo. Baka napapagod ka lang. 7:25 PM Tuxedo Mask: Never never stay in a relationship in which you are losing your identity. He loved you form whom he met. If you lose yourself, who is there to love? 7:29 PM Tuxedo Mask: And why would you have to lose yourself when the goal is to grow together? Any relationship that leads to destruction is no good. Sadness is ok. It passes just like t...

When we're together, this is how we usually bond. That's Nali with the phone. Meet Bebs, or should I say, meet Beb's feet/foot. Lels.

I have been wanting to write--to collect my thoughts and just pour out my senseless rants and bitterness mixed with a thousand things to be grateful for, but I would always end up not doing anything until I decided to disconnect today and just sit and type away. With my latest find of a good playlist in Spotify. The past weeks had been so crazy. Or actually since the national election campaign kicked in. The connection brought about by the internet, social media and other sites had conjured a lot of mixed emotions among Filipinos, I, myself included. Most of what I know about the ongoing elections, I got it from shared posts from the famous social network, Facebook. I had become lazy to open the three online news websites I would always check into: Inquirer.net, CNN.com and BBC.com I used to find the posts entertaining, useful and reliable until one day, most of the things I had read were that of wannabes, emotionally-flared up rants, defamation and bullying. I am sort of g...