Growing Pains


It’s gloomy and very windy today. I went out of the house early today, intending to attend the Friday Japanese conversation class, but I ended up walking very slowly still with no energy, maybe still as part of natsubate (夏バテ) condition I had been having since the start of this week.

I just have no energy to do anything, don’t feel like eating anything as well, but in reality, I had been binge-eating lately in the form of pasta, soba noodles and onigiri. I also tend to go out of the house eating ice cream and eating more ice cream when I get to the office.

Also, it seems like a few of the people I know are feeling down also for no apparent reason. Well, for me, I know there are reasons.

I’ve been frequently on the phone with my cousins lately discussing how to go about my uncle’s (their father, my father’s brother) upcoming gall bladder extraction open surgery. My aunt (their mother, my uncle’s wife) is currently in Australia taking care of my cousin sister since she just gave birth, caesarian, and so with an inquisitive toddler and a newborn babe, it is just but practical that my aunt stays with her. They plan to go back to the Philippines in October until the holidays. I can only imagine how crazy the houses will become again and the travels that are up.

My other aunt (my father’s and uncle’s older sister) just got discharged from the hospital as well. She fainted due to lack of proper nourishment and poor diet.

My uncle has an upcoming surgery.

My father just received his clear lab tests and scan results.

My mom has fully recovered from leprosy and since she is very silent, sometimes, I am not sure how she feels.

My parents are growing old very fast and I am not getting younger at all.

Though my parents, specially my father, had shown particular independence and very minimal financial assistance from us, I can’t help but still think how they will be taken care of in the future. My younger sister had pledged to take care of them and yet, I am thinking, it would probably be hard for her to balance everything when things gets challenging. But for now, her, my other younger sister and brother are enjoying the comforts of having a full-time mom at home. That comfort of coming home to a home-cooked meal, and motherly love in everything else.

The selfish me, I am torn between going home or just spending the next holidays in what would be my first out-of-the-country trip, somewhere else. I can still remember my mom’s surprise and my dad’s shocked expression when I tried to surprise them with a very short visit last May 2017.

I definitely miss home, but I also want to explore on my own more.
With my parents growing old, I also want to spend more quality time with them. I wish to earn more just so I can provide more for them.

Buy a good house coz we grew up in a shanty, dilapidated one, in a shady locality as well. Buy a new dining table, because the ones we have had experienced many repairs, but my father won’t let go of it. I guess for nostalgic reasons. That dining table for six had been a great witness to many quality times we’ve had over lunch and dinner, even tearful conversations about life decisions, arguments about choices made and sermons about bad results.

Life. Family. Love. Dreams.

They overlap and I can only pray that on my deathbed, I can say that I have done it all. Well done. For now, let me check my priorities, account balance and dreams.

Then the bad weather.

There are still a lot of things to be done with life.

The weather is starting to get better, the sky is beginning to clear up and the sun is shining brightly and that intense summer heat is on.


                                                                                                           

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