01 Jan 2019
My plan of spending a good time alone for the 1st of January 2019 didn't materialize. Although I was able to go out for a hearty late lunch/early dinner somewhere in Tenjin, I wasn't able to go far because of it was drizzling and the winds were also unfriendly. I just decided to stop by Don Quixote to pick up a huge bottle of water and coffee.
I have been also down with colds and possibly fever. I haven't brought any medicine and also I intentionally don't wanna buy meds because it meant dealing with my Nihongo challenges. LOL.
My sister was kind enough to keep me on the loop with the happenings at home via video calls and random pictures of our dogs and cats' activities for the day. They were expecting me to be back home in Miyazaki and had completely forgot about what I told them that I intend to stay in the big city for a few days first before going back to Miyazaki.
I am tempted to download and use some dating apps but I am cancelling the thought knowing that it had never brought me good in the past and that it wont bring me any luck moving forward. So far, I am still stuck in bed, and my smartphone is still clean of any form of epicfail dating apps, let's keep it that way. I was able to do it for the entire year of 2018, and I don't see anything different to not keep it that way in 2019. Yes, I am alone and sometimes lonely, but I am mature enough to handle it by acknowledging it and finding better ways that threading the downhill paths of modern dating and romance.
Same issues at the start of the year but I remain steadfast and hopeful for better days in terms of relationships- be it family, friends and that quasi-existential romantic relationship that I have been praying for.
I have a lot of fears for 2019, just so many that I can't pinpoint them at the time being. What's the best thing to do but face life head on geared with whatever I had learned from the previous encounters with life.
I can't say I am ready, but I definitely won't turn my back with whatever lies ahead. I can only pray for wisdom, calmness and grace. May my life be filled with kindness and patience and sustenance. I don't need a lot, I just need a true kind of love in all forms and means.
May 2019 be another year of gratefulness and blessings, as always, all ways.
*********
My 4-day trip back home in the middle of the holidays had been rainy but I was able to meet friends I planned to meet. One of them was a Filipino guy who lives in Canada I met in chat years back via MIRC (imagine that, those were early 2000s!) we went for a few bottles of local beer in a seaside bar with a live band and he was asking me if I can jam with the singers but I declined. There seem to be a spark but I am still holding back. So strong of a force of holding back that I felt that he is disappointed and was expecting something more out of the meeting, but I just couldn't give into the idea. I am just not really ready for anything.
Then, I had dinner with one of my few constants. She had always been supportive, loving and ever cheerful about good things in life. I had always admired her humility and simpleness despite having the means of comfort and choice. She reminds me to be humble and hopeful about society and civil service.
I also spent a good lunch with my other crazy constant, who happens to be frustrated about many things in life. There are times that I had to minimize my contact with her because she brings forth this draining energy and just need to keep distance and just be back at being close again when I have a good amount of wisdom and energy to share. I pray that she get to make better choices moving forward.
I was also able to spend a good hour of meeting a Japanese guy who will be putting up a new education-related business. I know that it was me who had spent much of the talking and he just listened. Purely business and I am amazed how brave he is to venture into this kind of endeavour, if only I am that brave enough, I wish I could also be my own boss.
Of course, the rest of the days were mostly spent at home, with my sisters, mom, and our Australian niece who happened to be one of the major reasons why I decided to do a quick trip back home. I didn't get to have a serious talk with my father until we were at the airport for my flight back to Japan. Before that I even had an episode of leaving my phone in the GrabCar and in it, I have my residence card which will be my one and only way of being allowed to enter Japan again. That is another long story I intend to write for one of these days.
I felt how Papa hugged me so tight when I was about to leave and go to the Boarding Area. My sisters tried to hold their tears as well. They said they did it when they got home. I wasn't able to cry until I reached Japan yesterday. Maybe because of the state of shock with the phone incident and the conversations with my father.
*********
I have been also down with colds and possibly fever. I haven't brought any medicine and also I intentionally don't wanna buy meds because it meant dealing with my Nihongo challenges. LOL.
My sister was kind enough to keep me on the loop with the happenings at home via video calls and random pictures of our dogs and cats' activities for the day. They were expecting me to be back home in Miyazaki and had completely forgot about what I told them that I intend to stay in the big city for a few days first before going back to Miyazaki.
I am tempted to download and use some dating apps but I am cancelling the thought knowing that it had never brought me good in the past and that it wont bring me any luck moving forward. So far, I am still stuck in bed, and my smartphone is still clean of any form of epicfail dating apps, let's keep it that way. I was able to do it for the entire year of 2018, and I don't see anything different to not keep it that way in 2019. Yes, I am alone and sometimes lonely, but I am mature enough to handle it by acknowledging it and finding better ways that threading the downhill paths of modern dating and romance.
Same issues at the start of the year but I remain steadfast and hopeful for better days in terms of relationships- be it family, friends and that quasi-existential romantic relationship that I have been praying for.
I have a lot of fears for 2019, just so many that I can't pinpoint them at the time being. What's the best thing to do but face life head on geared with whatever I had learned from the previous encounters with life.
I can't say I am ready, but I definitely won't turn my back with whatever lies ahead. I can only pray for wisdom, calmness and grace. May my life be filled with kindness and patience and sustenance. I don't need a lot, I just need a true kind of love in all forms and means.
May 2019 be another year of gratefulness and blessings, as always, all ways.
*********
My 4-day trip back home in the middle of the holidays had been rainy but I was able to meet friends I planned to meet. One of them was a Filipino guy who lives in Canada I met in chat years back via MIRC (imagine that, those were early 2000s!) we went for a few bottles of local beer in a seaside bar with a live band and he was asking me if I can jam with the singers but I declined. There seem to be a spark but I am still holding back. So strong of a force of holding back that I felt that he is disappointed and was expecting something more out of the meeting, but I just couldn't give into the idea. I am just not really ready for anything.
Then, I had dinner with one of my few constants. She had always been supportive, loving and ever cheerful about good things in life. I had always admired her humility and simpleness despite having the means of comfort and choice. She reminds me to be humble and hopeful about society and civil service.
I also spent a good lunch with my other crazy constant, who happens to be frustrated about many things in life. There are times that I had to minimize my contact with her because she brings forth this draining energy and just need to keep distance and just be back at being close again when I have a good amount of wisdom and energy to share. I pray that she get to make better choices moving forward.
I was also able to spend a good hour of meeting a Japanese guy who will be putting up a new education-related business. I know that it was me who had spent much of the talking and he just listened. Purely business and I am amazed how brave he is to venture into this kind of endeavour, if only I am that brave enough, I wish I could also be my own boss.
Of course, the rest of the days were mostly spent at home, with my sisters, mom, and our Australian niece who happened to be one of the major reasons why I decided to do a quick trip back home. I didn't get to have a serious talk with my father until we were at the airport for my flight back to Japan. Before that I even had an episode of leaving my phone in the GrabCar and in it, I have my residence card which will be my one and only way of being allowed to enter Japan again. That is another long story I intend to write for one of these days.
I felt how Papa hugged me so tight when I was about to leave and go to the Boarding Area. My sisters tried to hold their tears as well. They said they did it when they got home. I wasn't able to cry until I reached Japan yesterday. Maybe because of the state of shock with the phone incident and the conversations with my father.
*********
happy new year kat
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