It has to end coz I am a busy lady.

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Taking deep breaths and fighting back the tears. It is just not working anymore. Grab a tissue, wipe the tears, type words again. Then and there, it just happens again and again. 

No matter how I try to fight back against it... Anxiety gets me. 

Yesterday, I woke up watching the sunrise. I took a dip in the salty water of the sea as the sun slowly makes it way up in the sky. In the afternoon, I had lunch with two of the few people I share my life with here in Miyazaki. We had a good lunch. Later that day, we had a spontaneous trip to the beach for another swim, this time, while watching the sun set on the west side. It was calming. There was a feeling of longing, of wishing that I could be sharing this special day with the most important people in my life. 

This wasn't the kind of feeling I imagined this day would be like, of all days, why does it have to be this one. But that's it, anxiety just comes on moments that you least expect it to be.

This morning, I did my laundry, did some writing and went to the gym. On my way home from the gym, that's when that crunching feeling on the chest started, then tears would just want to flow and I kept asking myself why am I feeling this way. I am alright about everything but why am I like this? 

Probably because I am in denial of many things, keeping negative thoughts locked up inside me and still scared of many things-- rejections, the future, the unknown. 

I will forever be afraid, but know that I will always fight it back. 

For the meantime, ending this emo shit from my head right here. It has to end coz I am a busy lady. 

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