The Current Cycle

It is like the world is on my shoulders. 

I have been trying to fill it in with things that makes me feel productive and positive, still at the end of the day, it is exhausting. 

If not for the workouts, I probably would have had more nervous breakdowns and anxiety attacks. 

If not for the pressure of grad school, I probably would have been so lost in the scrolling of dating sites again and again.

If not for prayers of family back home, I probably am continually a lost soul. For now, I am consciously trying to find my way into the light.

If not for the people around me, I don't know what else to say. 

This year's birthday is a test of resilience and a battle for survival. 

It would have been a dream of driving a jetski or flying side-by-side with a pilot on a lightweight aircraft or a paraglide experience. Just none of them are possible at the moment. Still, being alive and healthy at this trying times is something to be grateful for already. 

The opportunity to have a job that keeps me financially at peace, is somewhat a rare case all over the world. Not a lot of places are hiring at all but I was able to move to a work environment that is still shady in itself but allows for more free time in the morning, I would be willing to take that trade until the time that it isn't ideal anymore. 

Immediate goal right now is to get a driver's license. Take and pass the written test, find a good driving teacher and pass the actual driving test and then, find an affordable car that will take me to places. It will then enable me to do more productive things for others and for myself. Praying for it. 

I think this is how it will just be the cycle for the meantime: 

Acknowledge the Negative Feelings

Identify the Sources of the Negative Feelings 

Redivert Energy to Physical Activities 

Think of things to be Grateful For 

Look Forward to Achieving Something

Lastly, make sure to get a good night sleep. 

お疲れ様でした。