an open letter to a friendship that is taking a break.

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 I was asked if I were sad about what happened to me my so-called "friend"... 

I was totally sad and disappointed. At the very end of it all, he should have just given me time to be quiet and just let the feelings of hurt and pain die down. Instead, he got angry at me for not speaking up. 

I was quiet because I don't wanna ruin his somewhat happy state of being, finding new love and always out and about to do fun stuff. Who am I to ruin someone's happy mood? After all, I am able to manage the feeling, rationalizing my actions, knowing that I was at fault as well in many ways. Thus, there was no right way for me to demand for attention nor correction of his actions. 

I just couldn't stop being hurt by the series of events that happened then. 

I didn't imagine I will be spending that entire day with someone I had been trying to avoid growing feelings for. But I was thankful that he took me in his arms, put to words the feelings of depression I had been trying to suppress, gave me some of his time.

I didn't imagine I will be dumped by my "friend" unapologetically after he found someone who is willing to give him more than I could and most likely I will never be able to offer him anyway. It just hurt that I was left all alone that time. I would have made better plans and would have spent it with other people that matter to me most as well. 

I know he is happy and making the best out of his life and that's what is important. My presence doesn't matter anymore and I would be more than happy to jump onto the next projects of my life with gratitude for all the things I have learned from him and those he had willingly shared with me. 

I hope and pray that his restless self finds its peace with the people around him right now. 

I hope he feels that whatever that had happened between us in the past, I am still his friend he could bug over the phone about crazy stuff, give me cynical advice and drag my feet down to reality when I set my hopes too up high towards people. I am still his friend that have very low self-esteem and negative thinking over ambitions and goals, needing his encouragement and sarcastic attacks on things that I do. 

That was quite hard to write about.

I hope he gets read this like an open letter to a friendship that is taking a break. 

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