5 July 2023

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Week 5- People We Have Lost 

Losing my grandpa and then my grandma was probably the earliest feeling of grief I could remember for myself. They were both old and gray and when they passed away, I knew to myself that it was their time to go. They had lived a good life, I had created experiences and stories with them on my teenage days and those were just precious moments. 

I can't really pinpoint who is the most important person I have lost but the recent lost I had was important. Painfully important literally and figuratively, that recalling the experience for the past two months could suddenly just make me cry and grieve. 

That if ever I could write a letter to it I would say sorry a million times for not being able to carry it well and not being able to take it of it. With that is also a promise that I will better myself in the coming days, so that when it comes back as a surprise, I will embrace it with open arms and take care of it with my whole life. 

As I slowly recover and move on with the recent loss, I still have moments of sudden stops and just wanting to cry. A part of me is in denial that it happened, particularly to me, of all people. I am in pain. I am healing. 

A favorite story of loss would be when I was a teenager. It was my first time to take care of a pet. I had a hamster. I named it Meow. Every day, I am excited to go home and take care of it. When it grows stinky, I bathe it. On the last time I bathed it, I noticed that its body was frozen and it wasn't moving. The cold temperature after bath killed it. I killed it. I didn't know how to properly take care of a hamster and it's life ended 

It wasn't meant to be. I would like to think, it is not yet time for us to be have one in the moment. As I struggle with weight loss and achieving personal goals, and that financially and emotionally, it just seems a stretch, one step at a time, one goal at a time as I wait for the lovely surprise again in the future. 


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