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Showing posts from November, 2018

Just another PMS episode

Dear Me,

How have you been?

Busy? Overwhelmed? Sad? or just in your period?

Let's just say all of the above.

You are breaking down and you are still denying yourself that idea to break loose and just cry and be vulnerable and feel weak.

You are still holding on to the ropes of tasks that you have to accomplish and you are producing half-baked, rushed and below expectations output.

You need to give yourself a break. Stop scrolling and scrolling. You know its hard, but when you feel that it's too much scrolling already, then just stop scrolling. You aren't paid to scroll on those screens after all.

You know how much deep inside you have been wishing for a prince charming to sweep you off your feet. It just never gonna happen. That type of person exists only in romance stories you binge-read on.

But you also know how much you are willing to turn your back on the standards you have set once you have fallen. You have picked you up quite a few times from the mess. So far, you al…

3AM Hits!

When was the last time I held myself up until 3am doing something?

Just now!

I am so proud of myself. I had finished writing a teaching module for Basics of Electric Circuits. My Achilles' hell. My most hated topic in Physics. My weakest point when I had my first month of practice teaching.

Just wanna really shout that out to the world!

Tomorrow, another set of reviewing for exam on Sunday. Then another set of homework for MA on Monday. Dang! Life is good :)

Do you feel appreciated?

365 QOTD

Do you feel appreciated?

I think so? It feels good to receive random messages from people eventhough we don't really get to talk on a regular basis. Despite the distance I had put myself into, I am grateful for technology and social networks that make it easy to connect and re-connect to people.

I dropped in messages to two of my former colleagues who seem to be having a hard time right now and a simple "Thank you." made me smile. So, yes, I feel appreciated and it feels good. I would like to do the same to other people. I don't have money to lend them but I only a genuine sense of good words to keep pushing them to move forward with life.

*********

Writing blues hit in.
Seems that it is almost the time of the month again.
I keep and keep on craving.

It seems that the next year has a lot of surprises for me. I have just received another verbal offer about some career opportunity that is just hard to resist.

Miyazaki is just making me feel so rooted that it i…

How do you know?

365 QOTD

How do you know?

How do I know what? I know nothing. I am the female version of Jon Snow. LOL.

I am learning not to assume anything of people.

Especially with guys.

Just because a guy remembered you today, it doesn't mean that he thinks of you every single day.
Just because he said he is single, it doesn't mean he is really single until another person close to that person told you so.
Just because he said he likes you, doesn't mean that he really, really, really likes you, unless there is some kind of consistency.

*****

This morning, my Japanese language teacher picked me up for a morning lunch to introduce me to one of her friends. She said that they have been friends for a long time and would love to meet me for tea and chat. It was a very interesting day! My thirdwheeling journey has gone up from my power couple friends to my oldies/besties now! We spent lunch at Mr. M's house. He has a very handsome son who happens to be married already. HAHA. Sorry for me…

What did you give up on today?

365 QOTD

What did you give up on today?

Today I gave up on accomplishing many tasks all at once. I am learning to take things one at a time.

*********************
Work deliverables
Assignments
Final Paper
Writing Projects
Reviewing for JLPT
Life


How do I get to juggle all of it?

I am learning to take things one at a time. I am learning not to rush from one task to another. I am learning to quickly switch focus and not get distracted.

Operative Word: LEARNING.

The change in behavior, in terms of formative assessment, is taking place, but would still need conscious reminders about accomplishing tasks, getting distracted. It will take awhile.

I am currently addicted to Ginger Lemon Tea! I have been brewing every other day since Saturday and the aroma of the ginger in boiling water is also therapeutic in itself.

I noticed that I am slowly gearing towards minimal and organic means of self-care and healthy diet options as well.

Sunflower moisturizer
Olive oil for evening face moisturizer
Ap…

This morning, I cried out of frustration.

Today is the scheduled submission of our group project. I really made it a point to keep things under control and within the timeline. Consequently, my team mates were also very eager and helpful, so we are actually almost up to date. Though, our content is still very raw and unverified, it was a collaborative effort and it was amazing to keep browsing, edit and improving.

We were supposed to collaborate with another class for the digitization of our materials but they kept referring to it as gamification of the lesson, which is very inappropriate and annoying to listen to. LOL.

They had been very unresponsive and had never taken time to address our concerns about the lesson plan, so I had completely ignored and my groupmates also followed my lead. And today, I checked the online platform and BAM! Suddenly, they have "gamified" instructional materials and since it was posted 5 days ago, we could have had enough time to check it out.

Aside from the delays, there were also ret…

What is bothering you?

365 QOTD

What is bothering you?

Good question.
Upcoming deadlines, one for grad school on the 20th. Then another one for the freelance writing job, also due on the 20th. the JLPT on the 2nd of Dec. Then another deadline on the 9th of December.

*****

Deadlines after deadlines. Quite bothering but it actually gives me energy and reasons to just keep going everyday.

Two online conferences today and it looks like our literacy program is really having it's shape and form. Amazingly! My classmates were all into and just so invested to the project and I just can't help but be amazed how we all get to agree into the terms. The output may look so raw and bland just yet but that's because we are amateurs into this attempt and still learning. I just can't help but hope for a good grade, enough to qualify to continue for the Comprehensive Exam next year. Hayst.

Tonight turned out pretty amazing! Wine night with my power couple friends and they asked me to sing on their wedding! I …

What's your guilty pleasure?

365 QOTD


What's your guilty pleasure?

.....reading tagalog romance pocketbooks!


********

Yes, I can waste hours and hours just reading those kinds of stories... LOL. Like my world would stop and I see myself in the story. That is why I am a sucker for romance and the very strong personality of men who would pursue a girl they like so much. They still exist-- pocketbooks.

*****

Today went by a bit slow than usual but I was still able to accomplish a few things.

No conference calls today. Thank goodness.

But tomorrow, I have two. LOL.

But I do look forward for a wine night with friends!

A very early conference call at 6AM tomorrow. Then the whole day will be dedicated to editing our write up and then another conference call in the afternoon and a wine night with friends after!

I really should be productive enough on Sunday to make sure that I deserve all that wine. HAHA.

But laundry first.

CEO Hits

Three conference calls today and I feel like puking.

Lucky that the other con-call got moved for tomorrow. I would have wanted to have it in the morning but my counterpart have the days booked already.

Three different tasks and my brain would just want to explode. Not even the cups of coffee soothed my aching head.

I am just so happy it is over.

If I become a CEO, I wonder if my days would be like this?

Oh no.

I gotta buckle up and get used to it. LOL.

hashtag ceointhemaking

What do you want to tell yourself in one year?

365 QOTD

What do you want to tell yourself in one year?

I can't understand the question. LOL. But in any case, I want to tell myself to just keep going. Pass the Comprehensive Exam and Thesis it!

HAHA. That is the target for next year. Thesis-writing as part of the MA degree completion. Eye on the goal. And hoping to have a published paper also. As everything is becoming-data driven, so much effort is invested in gathering, analyzing and finding out something new out of everything that there is. Overwhelming it may seem and every day, I am learning to take it in chewable chunks.

Thesis it. So I can have more personal time after and you know what comes next.

*****

Tonight, I will sleep early and start the day early tomorrow.

Sleeping and waking up time had always been late recently and that just needs to be back into "my" usual morning habit of starting the day at 7am, and wrapping it all up at 12mn.

One good thing for the past 3 days though is the 10-minute HIIT workout …

What do you have too much of?

365 QOTD

What do you have too much of?

I have too much of......
.... scrolling in social media
.... too much daydreaming
.... too much plans

Hayst.


******

Today's QOTD was quite apt.

Deadlines are up again and I am getting overwhelmed about them pouring in. But rest assure that I am trying my best to approach all these deadlines with grace and calmness that I could mutter. Working on it.

Something interesting happened today. Someone sent me message in LinkedIn. Asking me to be more specific with my questions. So, in LinkedIn, there is this service that you can ask advice from so-called experts on certain fields that you have indicated and the system will bring up recommendations. I can't remember coming across that profile but he took time to look into mine and offered to talk about my queries.

Firs thing I asked of course, is if there is a charge for his time and service. After all, he had introduced himself as someone who had been in the international education sector for a …

What is your favorite cuisine?

365 QOTD

What is your favorite cuisine?

That is hard to answer because I think I can eat almost anything edible except seafood just because I am allergic to it.

I fancy a pancake platter for breakfast.
I just had an all-meat platter at a nearby family restaurant for late lunch last Sunday with a friend.
I like salads and fruit shakes any time of the day.

Right now, Japanese food is the most appealing, in terms of plating and taste.
I always like bruschetta with any tasty toppings most of time, I like grilled meat with red wine to compliment the taste and veggie salad in vinegrette.
I will never give up my forever love for fried chicken and spaghetti in red meat sauce.
For Filipino food, I will set aside diet for lechon, lumpiang shanghai, papaitan and puto't dinuguan.

*****

Thinking about all these food just made me hungry again.

Last week, my bento habit dwindled and I plan to get back to it as soon as I can. So, today, I made an egg sandwich with mochi cake in sesame seeds on th…

I just do hope that I can be good enough.

After tonight's conversation with local friends, it just dawned on me that having a Japanese boyfriend is far from happening to me. Given that I am here, the chances of having one in itself by nationality, moreso proximity is far from happening.

Apparently, in here, it is the lady who does the work. The initiation, the confession, the arrangement, and the engagement leading to marriage--- all in the lady's hands!

I had always been an advocate of equality and fairness, but in this one, I had always saved my admiration and respect for the type of guys who are willing to pursue and take charge and who would prefer to have a partner not just a mere follower, pick a fight and not walk out when having arguments, then would surprise with kisses and flowers as peace-offerings.

I am setting aside the romanticist in me but not really giving up on it. Hoping it is always present in many forms and moments.

I am not good at showing intentions. I back out at when I see signs of rejections. …

What gadgets did you use today?

What gadgets did you use today?

Mobile Phone, Laptop, Google Chrome and iPad.

My house is full of screens and blue light. Hayst.

******
Too tired to elaborate but I wanted to take note of all the things I had done today. So, here it is.....
Breakfast with Banana in Almond Milkshake
Japanese class
Work
Set up Collab page for the working document output for the team
Listed activities for more science activities that can be included in the modules
Resumed classes for the Intro to Python for Absolute Beginners in edx (dot) org
Replied to emails
Work end as usual.
Dinner with Tita G.
Opened slots from 10PM-12MN

I just realized how full of a day I had. What a Friday it has been.

No yoga today. Too tired.


But the highlight and I think I should put into writing is my phone call with the delivery man for my online purchase of a gadget in Amazon. I was able to re-schedule the delivery date for Sunday, very smoothly. Compared to yesterday's encounter with the people in the post office for a …

What are the achievements you are most proud of?

365 QOTD

What are the achievements you are most proud of?

Hmmmm... I can't think of anything that I can be proud of as my own achievement. Parang wala naman. LOL. But it melts my heart whenever other people say that they are proud of me. It's something we don't get to hear from someone every day.

Proud moment for me will be those moments that I see my students proud and confident of themselves and abilities.

Proud moment  for me will be to see my youngest sister graduate on her baccalaureate degree with my parents attending the event.

Proud moment for me will be to see my parents taking time to enjoy what they love to do.

Proud moment for me will be to see my siblings and the entire family having a noisy dinner or lunch at home.

Despite the imperfections, lack of a beautiful house and other material things, I will always be proud of the family where I came from, the parents who raised me, and the siblings whom I had a long history of petty fights and battles over simple th…

List 5 things you wish you had with you today.

365 QOTD

List 5 things you wish you had with you today.

They aren't really things.

Today, I wish....
... I had a boyfriend/partner I can rant about my collab work with another class in grad school.
... I could have dinner with family.
... I could find more focus in what I do and what more could I do.
... I have enough money and passport powers to fly to places I want to go to.
... I have a lot of time to read and write.


*******
I woke up late today. Which is quite bad for a rest day. But I did get up on time to prepare for the Japanese class. Finished my project for a subject in grad school due tomorrow and I was able to submit today! Yey! Working on the next project starting tomorrow as well.

I was able to squeeze in meeting two of my girlfriends while working today! We seldom have matching day offs so, today is one of those quickie days we got.

I am still in progress with adding more modules to write with the edutech team and it is just so amazing to see it expanding and approva…

Do you love your job?

365 QOTD

Do you love your job?

I was about to call it a day when I checked this QOTD and I know that I have to answer it.

Teaching, itself, yes. The best part of it is seeing them gain confidence in themselves. It is like a point of discovery when they realized that they can already do something they thought was impossible.

A new thing I am enjoying now is the freelance content-writing for teaching science! So much fun with mind-twisting moments and some software engineering tweaks, I am a happy meow!

Being in this field is something I am always happy to be at.

But if the question pertains to where I physically work right now, I may need to invoke my right to privacy for that matter. LOL.

I would have opted to just pack my bags and go somewhere else "better". But aside from working, I am using my free time and the slowness of the pace with personal dreams that I had always wanted to fulfill... that of graduating with a sablay and with an MA degree. Slow it may seem, lonely f…

What was the best conversation you had today?

365 QOTD

What was the best conversation you had today?

Didn't really get to talk a lot to many people today. But I did get that Sunday morning virtual call from family before they go to church. My oldest brother is in the house as well. So, I did get to say hi to him.

Then, the delivery man confirmed my name on the parcel and I just said "hai." Would that even be considered conversation?

Another video chat with my niece in Manila via my youngest sister. My niece, A, was showing her torn dress but showing off her poses and jumping sequence in bed. I had a good laugh when my sister started complaining about A being so hyper and full of energy.

I had random self-talks as well about my being alone and lonely. I can't do anything about it, and I can't just insist myself on people just because I don't want to be alone. I love being on my own, I just can't manage yet the feeling of loneliness that goes with it. A part of me still hopes for that someone whom I ca…

What was the happiest headline in the news today?

365 QOTD

What was the happiest headline in the news today?

I have no idea. I haven't put much attention on news lately. Either local or that of in PH, because.... I chose not to.

********

It's midweek already.
Weekend flew so fast and now I am back to regular life.

Wake up, freelance work/study, work-pretend to work-ignore negative vibes-enjoy teaching-end work-go home-study-yoga-write-read-sleep.

I have woken up at 6am today and kickstarted the updating of the content I have been working on. My counterparts are in holiday right now, so I am pretty much alone but still keep sending them updates of my progress and sort of "hiccups" in the process.

This weekend is All Saints/Souls weekend. Since Lolo passed away, I never had the chance to visit him on this occasion. I am just so thankful I grew up to know him. I am thankful for having grown up with good men in my life. Amidst my bad affinity with men outside family, the good men in my family are good reminders that the…