I just do hope that I can be good enough.

After tonight's conversation with local friends, it just dawned on me that having a Japanese boyfriend is far from happening to me. Given that I am here, the chances of having one in itself by nationality, moreso proximity is far from happening.

Apparently, in here, it is the lady who does the work. The initiation, the confession, the arrangement, and the engagement leading to marriage--- all in the lady's hands!

I had always been an advocate of equality and fairness, but in this one, I had always saved my admiration and respect for the type of guys who are willing to pursue and take charge and who would prefer to have a partner not just a mere follower, pick a fight and not walk out when having arguments, then would surprise with kisses and flowers as peace-offerings.

I am setting aside the romanticist in me but not really giving up on it. Hoping it is always present in many forms and moments.

I am not good at showing intentions. I back out at when I see signs of rejections. I value even the shortest amount of time and smallest of actions. I treasure words to the point of gullibility.

I pursue my dreams, but this part of my life, I put myself into the waiting side. If there is a stimuli, I will be there as response. But I cannot be that initial force to act on object to make it move. I am the inertia. I am the reaction in the third law of motion, equal to the action. Ugh. Nerd Stuff again. HELP!

It looks one-sided. Everything in favor of me. Much as I can, if there is a space to establish the standards, let me lay it. Because it reality, we can fall into the trap of settling.

On well. What am I even thinking?

I just do hope that I can be good enough. Even just for myself, because by the way things are going for me, all I have is me, myself and I.


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