Life of a Kat

“If it’s time to go, it is time to go.” I would always tell myself and even others. At the moment I am rooted in this busy sub-tropic, laidback city and I am trying to think of reasons why I am still here despite everything that is going on. For one, I chose to be here. I like it here. I love it here. For one, the people around me are always genuinely warm, generous and accepting or so I thought. I know that there will always be someone I can turn to whenever I feel like I need some help.  Another is the mission. I had put myself into a not-so-impossible mission of helping out my friends put up the school but I am not really sure if my efforts are being valid or if it is all gonna be worth it.  I have some feeling of being lost, yet I find comfort to be with good friends that I had come to know here and in solitude that it offers.  I'm still working on reasons giving concrete definitions, descriptions, persona about why I like...

In my head, I had been wanting to write about so many things, people and thoughts. In my head, I have wrote all of them. I have posted about them. All in my head. The truth is, the two line above are the first two lines I will have posted and nothing about stories of: how I have been honest about being alone how I have fell in love to Miyazaki and it's making it hard for me to make decisions of leaving how I have managed to make new friends and appreciating them how much I miss home how much I miss my friends how much I miss intellectual discussion how I feel that feeling of not being able to move forward how I would describe that feeling of exhaustion from the day-to-day struggle of living and trying to make days purposeful and still feeling not enough.  Just so many and I am so thankful for the kids who hug me a lot lately. They would just come, showing they tiny arms spread on both sides, nodding their heads to call me and I just can't help but hu...

365 QOTD OMG! _________________. OMG! I am still here and not trying to look for a new job. Am I crazy? *********** I would like to think that this is a sacrifice worth all the time, the money and the effort. They have so much of a big dream and I would like to be part of it. Plus, the kids.. The kids. They are always my reasons to stay. Drop Everything And Read. I did that today. I am just so happy to have gone across the words I needed to know and to remind me that I am still in a better state of understanding the situation. I miss home. I suddenly miss everyone. Which reminds me, I really should be working on my itinerary for the Manila homecoming soon. So many struggles to work on at schools but holding on to the vision of better days ahead. For now, I'll drop by my friend's bar to say hi and then I will grab some grocery and then shower and call it a day. I need to fold those clothes before anything else. Friday tomorrow. So help me God.

I keep fidgeting. I can't focus. It is tough battle trying to fight these feelings. I keep trying to figure out what is wrong with me, but I just can't seem to figure out what has to be done so I can stay focused on tasks at hand. I am on the verge of compromising a project and I can't let that happen. I am typing this one out hoping that after this, I will be able to work on it and just keep going. I just wanna cry for a lot of reasons and I can't even think which one to think of first and so I can't even start to cry anymore. It is just all inside and now writing it all out because I need to let it out. I am drowning in sadness, loneliness and purposelessness. I should get back to writing the lesson guides. I am almost done with the second one. I had to hide my mobile phones, and still fighting the feelings of clicking on the shortcuts on my laptop to type the first letter, click on TAB and then press ENTER. I chose to just write it all down here but mayb...

365 QOTD Does anyone owe you money? What a question after a hiatus. I miss you my little space. Hmmm.. Not that I can remember. Maybe? I would rather be on the lending side of this spectrum rather than the one seeking for rescue. Been there and it was never a good feeling to be on the needing side. *********** Talking about time and a few weeks more to go for my homecoming in mid-October. I should really get to deeper readings for the upcoming exam but here I am, can't even get one of the lesson guides done. Having a hard time picking up that writing chakra flowing. Deep sigh. I just need to get it back. I need it badly. Today I got one task out of 10 accomplished. Forgive thyself and get a good sleep. Tomorrow is Tuesday, at least get done with 3 out of 10. Why not make it all of them when you can. Let's eye all of the 10. Good night, Kat.

A few months ago, I had a vision of how this exact this is supposed to be: I will be in Hong Kong for a day and I will spend a day in Disneyland and then I will take another plane the next day that will take me to Malaysia for that Asia Pacific-wide event. But that isn't how it all gone. I am still at the airport though. Bound for Tokyo. More of a birthday treat, reconnection and maybe checking out of my options. Maybe next time, maybe some other time. I will make time. Things are slow, so slow that sometimes I just want to give up and keep myself small and mediocre and unseen. But big dreams come screaming and can't just shut them down. The upcoming dreams aren't design for an Asia Pacific-wide event anymore. It had gone deeper and more in depth in scope, no numerical value can represent and I would rather keep it at that. Taking this trip as a refresher and reset. Returning with more energy for greater hustles to come.

One of those normal weekends. Well not really usual but if ever these favorite people are around, it then becomes the normal--- sporty mornings, working afternoons and walwal nights.  Just so happy to be back on the sea even just for a few hours and be able to stand on the board and catch waves a few times and ending up with an achy upper back and shoulders. Contemplating on getting my own surfboard. Lol. But being with these two guys, I always feel safe. And I always learn something new and useful in my life.  Had been able to complete a few reports, browse through some readings, check schedules. September is slowly getting filled in even the weekends. October flights are already booked. Getting on with the days as smooth as I could and just really thankful for every opportunity to be of use for the community.  Unplanned night outs aren't usual, so saying yes to one made it really exciting. Loosening up a bit, missed the billiard table and met a bunch of interesting soul...