Life of a Kat

 It's the start of the good days. Not because the past days were bad. Actually, life recently had been exciting. I visited my family and a friend in Sydney, Australia. Before I left and when I came back, I am having this budding relationship with someone which we have decided to take to the next level. Fast tracked as it may seem, but I do appreciate the conversations we have whenever we or at least me wants to clarify something, want to happen or just really be truthful.  I have recently gained almost 4 kgs of weight and it is honestly, bothering. I can already feel my clothes so tight, my movement becoming sluggish and just not really confident about myself.  For one, if I don't fit on my current clothes, it would mean that I need to buy new ones and with the recent swiping spree I had made with my card, I am not in a position to do big clothes purchases. If it's a size smaller, probably, I would be happy.  Also, with the weight gain, my movement, my back, had just...

 I am back from Sydney, Australia and just waiting for my 1420 flight back to Miyazaki. I should have booked an earlier flight but my decision-making skills lately are not at their finest and it is okay. 

"... ako naman yung safe place mo."  This person is leaving me speechless again and again. I would like to think that was quite a bold offer. To feel adequate enough to offer oneself as comfort for another person, I don't know where he gets the courage to speak it out loud. After all, the only thing we can offer the world or another person, is ourselves, might as well be bold and brave and hopefully committed to it.  As we take a walk after a long tiring day at work, then sat down by the river bay with convenience store food, asked about each other's days and just sat there quiet, in my head, I have been composing about an essay of how I was feeling that time.  The full moon lit up the sky and its reflection is on the flowing river, a long stick of white light cutting the water in the middle as it glitters back the light and reflects on the surface, it was calm and peaceful.  The kind of calm and peace that you wish would never end. That kind where there was no fear ...

 Thought I'll do some scattered brain spill tonight.  After a very calm date night by the river under a waxing gibbous moon and a before bedtime conversation with the family.  As of now, the only reason I am online is for this blog entry and restraining myself to open my social media accounts to check on messages.  I told my mom that I might have a boyfriend soon but I am not sure. Her response was:  "Ikaw bahala, ikaw naman makikisama dyan, habang buhay."  "Ma, nakakatakot naman yang sagot mo, boyfriend lang naman to."  But it dawned on me also that her statement is kinda true. As commented by my youngest sister, I am not getting any younger and what else is there to do, but to invest feelings on someone that would be for a lifetime partnership.  I don't know how to describe this feeling and experience but if I would take a look back, this kind of encounter is what I dreamed of.  I dreamed of a man who would have that sense of humor to keep ...

 We are now on the -ber months!  Enjoying slower days ahead and I need to get back on my morning workouts, ropes and studying too :) Quite excited about it.  I am currently having this consistent communication and company with someone and I am working on being more outspoken in a nice way and with the aim of growth on how I see our budding friendship could go forward.  At this point, I could say that I am in a happy state of being. 

 I had a breakdown last night.  I got home with all my stuff from the recent work and camping trip scattered on the floor, the kitchen filled with dinnerware needing to be washed, piled up dirty clothes on another side, I haven't had enough sleep from last night's camping location, the hangover from a fun night jam at a Filipino restaurant, I just couldn't take it anymore. I tried going to bed and then I just started sobbing.  What's different about last night was, I had a friend come and helped me out clean the room, clear the floor, comfort me and hugged me.  The hug felt good. It was warm. His arms around me made me feel so tired yet safe. I cried a bit more. I didn't wanna let go, but I know that I had to its late and he had to go home and sleep to be able to work the next day. And if he hadcstayed a little bit longer, we both would regret what happens next. I'm glad he left right away.  I thought I will be able to sleep. It looked like I did but I would wak...

 It is 1:39 AM as I type this away.  I had gone to bed at midnight, abruptly cutting all conversations so I can stick with the 12 night cap, but here I am still wide awake and hoping that after this blog entry, I would be able to fall asleep.  July 2022 felt like a very long month that suddenly ended and then August came and now, just about to leave.  I don't even know why I stopped sitting down before bedtime to write about my days and my thoughts. Maybe at some point, I would like to admit that it felt like days were happy days. There were stressful moments as usual, like my car popping up with the maintenance icon telling me I need to see my car mechanic. The icon would appear and then would be gone. It drives me nuts. It drove nuts twice already. LOL.  I think the reason why I couldn't sleep was because I didn't properly eat dinner. So, here I am, now just eating dinner. LOL.  I have met new friends in July and been in constant contact with them and Miy...