Life of a Kat

​I am always holding my phone but I never really took time to open my journaling app and just emo shit dump more and more. I should have done that more.  I should have taken my solitude moments in a more self-exploratory mode instead of scrolling mode. As I close my fair share of  10 months of 2023, l have a good mix of goods and bads, mostly the good are unexpected, the bads mostly resulted from inaction and excuses and there are certain times that things were really out of my locus of control.  To be able to bravely and shamelessly pen my shortcomings for my dreams and goals, is a big chunk of my desire to be out of the rut.  I was able to pick up myself a lot of times from past ruts, for sure, this time, I can do it again.  I should realize that it gets more exciting and fulfilling this time because I have a partner to divide the burden with and eventually, share the sweet taste of success as we go for the goal together.  61 more days and we call it a wr...

 There are just so many things I want to do... Update my expense tracker. Fold clothes and stack away most summer clothes. Change wardrobe for the cold days ahead. Clean up the house. Grocery shopping. Blog.  Do more video stories.  Read more.  Prepare questions for end of October training.  I am very much overwhelmed with things going on right now, but I can feel that I am handling things a bit better than I used to and I am glad about that. Maybe I could go for a good run tonight. Or maybe not. I have a lot clothes to fold and sort. Ugh. 

 Second to the last day of the 9th month of the year. then, 3 more months to call it a wrap for this month.  If my life will be a content that I will curate a story from, I wonder how it will all turn out? Will it be a story people will be willing to pay for? Will it be a story I am willing to share to the world?  Am I willing to share my flaws? My bads?  Of course I am excited to tell the world my triumphs, my inspirations, my dreams, ..... my journey.  But it isn't easy. Even here, sometimes, writing can be very painful. Most of the time, I am just lazy to move and write. 

​I weighed in and I’m at 55kgs today. I need to lose 7kgs to get down to my ideal weight.  I am filled with so much frustration right now about myself. I was able to reach it for 2 years and here I am falling out from it.  I am not sure which one I got so much high from, was the journey of being fit or being fit in itself. I remember telling myself that exercising and working out and seeing results of weight loss can bring a different kind of high, it’s addicting like everything else coz once you have somewhat reached a peak level of fitness in comparison to the previous self, it brings so much joy and confidence like never before. And I even told myself before, “If being fit is a form of addiction, this is the kind of addiction I would like to get stuck with for life.” I used to be the only one posting and sharing my fitness journey, now almost everyone who just used to message me about working out and weight loss, they are on the peak of achievement of their body goals....

 I think it's a good habit to do brain dump in here.  But that's what I have been doing here all along! LOL. But anyway, today, I tried to study/practice writing this morning. I just signed up for JLPT N4 exam and it costs ¥7500 (+/-75USD, +/- 3000PHP)  And so hopefully, this year, I am praying for that breakthrough in passing the test this time, knowing that I am dedicating time to learn and study. Consistency is still a hard thing to say that I have achieved but looking into our study charts on how we have been making time to prepare the test, I am hoping to have better scores this time. Albeit, I am excited to see my friends pass the test.  I woke up a bit late this morning and as I changed clothes, stood up in front of the mirror, I kinda liked the shape of my body, I felt lighter and happier and with that, I know that I can achieve this weight loss and active lifestyle I would like to restore in me. Still a long way to go. But I am happy that I am able to move....

​I wonder how it feels to be someone who have travelled almost all over the world.  I had always dreamed of seeing the world and now I’m 37 and have been to less than 10 countries, I still hope to travel around continents, be able to explore, share stories and learn more.  Writings are manifestations. And here I am manifesting to the universe, allowing for purpose and provision to be received and be used.  To travel. To explore. To share space. To grow in love and in light.  Xoxo Kat 

Today has been busy and still grateful for it.  I thought I lost the engagement ring that was given to me. I can't remember wearing it this morning. I only remember putting it in the little saucer plate I use to contain the earrings and specifically that ring whenever I had to take it off for the day.  I had a feeling that it is just inside the house, so I left for the day for a long drive for work.  Indeed, it was just there, but still I am confused that I had it mixed up with the crystal earrings in its own box.  A lot of overthinking has been going on in my head, and I am glad that I didn't let it win over me the entire day.  After all, if it was truly lost somewhere, I know in my heart that I looked for it. Honestly, the hands felt a little bit empty today without my fingers having nothing to fiddle with, my eyes had nothing to look as the ray of sun strikes into the tiny blue stone.  It may not be that big, loud, sparkly-type of ring a girl could wish ...