Life of a Kat

  August 29, 2021. Akaike Campsite  As of today, this is the Kat's Jump of 2021. It took a lot of going back and forth before I had the full courage to jump. I even had to borrow a child's floating vest just so I can do it.  I told myself that there is no way I will end that day without doing that big jump into the water. The first time I tried to jump, the second time, the third time and the fourth time, I just couldn't jump. My arms and my legs were shaking. Y asked me what am I afraid of. I know that I am not afraid of heights. I am afraid of the water. As if it will eat me alive. Even retrieving my toydrone that sunk into a deep part of the flowing river, took me a lot of deep breathes before I was able to look for it.  Then, I had a talk with Y's friend, who had been jumping, backflip into the water without hesitation. I just had to know how to do it and he was the best person to ask. He said, he just jumps and just do it, it is exciting and there is really noth...

I saw fireworks tonight. Everytime I see one, I always remember my first kiss. It felt magical.  Then, I remember my first heartbreak. It was by the person who was my first kiss. It felt lethal.  Then, I learned to accept the reality of it all. There aint no magic in fireworks, abd heartbreaks aren't lethal either.  But they are both learning experiences with takeaways.  Firsts are firsts, they are exciting.  Pains are pains. They endure then melt away. 

I thought that today, being a Friday is Kuya G's 5th day of the 5/5 first chemo cycle. I was wrong. It is just the 4th of the 5. He still has tomorrow. First was a 6-hour drip and the next ones were just 3 hours and we keep praying that his body is responding positively to the medication and treatment plan as laid out.  Also, it is Kuya L's second day of isolation as a COVID-positive person. He had on-off fever and then now, he is doing well with minor headaches to endure. Hopefully his condition remains asymptomatic and then COIVD-free within the next 2 weeks.  Life just seem to flow and move and as I question a lot of what's going on, it just continues its pace.  I need a hug, a cuddle, a warm body around me, for now, I have Pooh and dreams of cuddly bears that arent true, coz they are deadly. LOL.  Tomorrow is gonna be an exciting day with the people I consider my family here in Miyazaki! It will be like our summer spree! So, I am going to bed and wake up early an...

Kuya will have his 2nd chemo of a 5-day cycle today. Yesterday he said it was so painful. My cousin-sister said, it is very painful.  Every morning, I include him in my prayers and that is on the only thing I can do for him right now.  So what's today' plan... I need to make a listening exercise for my student for Friday's lesson. Reply to my counterpart in India.  Reply to the university secretary.  Send that file to the student.  Quick laundry.  I am thinking of decluttering for a bit the cabinet so I can feel that I have more space.  I am eating breakfast as I am writing this while watching the PH news. I had been trying to build the morning habit of watching the news to get caught up. Eventhough the news are bad.  So, what else is there to do today? Of course! I need to go to work :P  I also need to do a sit down and re-align my finances as I have things to pay and home fund commitment for my family. After 4 years or so, we have started h...

 Dear Lord,  Today is Kuya Glen's first chemo session and I pray that You wrap Him in your protective embrace as those strong chemicals run through his veins and kills those cancer cells in his body. May we see this as Your blessing in disguise of renewing his physical body and bonding us stronger as a family of strong faith in You. In the next days to come, my we find peace and hope in You and that we never stop praying for each other.  This is my morning Tuesday prayer.  Amen. 

 365 QOTD  What did you wait for today? I had to wait for the rain to stop so I can go to the post office and send my kuya's package direct to his hospital.  Today, he had his bone marrow biopsy and tomorrow he will start his chemotherapy. I think I am more nervous that him? I noticed also that my restlessness had been aligned with his recent unwellness. It's as if the universe's way of letting us know in the family that something is up. And now it is here.  Last night, I stayed up late watching bear videos. All of which talks about how dangerous they are. It all started with the question of what kind of bear is Pooh. Pooh had been my cuddle buddy and it is such an unacceptable truth that in reality, bears are deadly. But they look cuddly and warm and cute. When they run and their bellies shake and wave, it is such a cute view. But it just doesnt change the fact that they are deadly.  Pooh Bear needs a tight hug tonight. I still need to transcribe a listening ex...

 Stress is hitting me so bad at the moment that I could just break down and cry. But I have far more important things to do than just do that, but I would like to write this down here so when I read back on a better day, I could tell myself that I had made the right decision to keep moving. But I hope also by that time, I have made a better demeanor with my mobile phone habits as well.  I feel that I am having flu-like symptoms and there is there inner turmoil that I might have the virus in me coz I had travelled last week and passed through a high-risk area of Tokyo for transit. I swear, the inner struggle to calm down is real. I am here, scaring myself. LOL But I know that the past few weeks had been very stressful and I sleep had been a bit of unstable as well. Workout routine has also been crazy. Slowly getting that rest and the routine back as well. For the meantime, I am gonna start working. 

 In the life of this tita-in-bloom, added is wine for a perfect solitude. 

 I haven't written anything about Kuya's condition yesterday. We were able to have a conference with the doctor and it was quite long, tedious and emotional in the end.  As of today, he had been moved to his normal ward room for further treatment. Right now, and until the biopsy results are out in a month's time, he will be feeding himself via a TPN (Total Parenteral Nutrition) tube through his central vein in the neck. He will be like that for the next 3 weeks at most and within that time frame, while in medication, his stomach could get internal bleeding and if not attended right away and properly, could be fatal.  But I know Kuya is a fighter. He would want to go back home to PH and fulfill his dreams. We will all get through this with him. With prayers and miracles. 

  This is my first flight for the year, as far as I can remember. I have never set foot out of a 200-km radius from my home. I was looking forward to this trip. Kuya Glen and I will have a reunion and we will travel around with a rented car. We will go to museums and places and eat good food, take photos and catch up with life.  I tried to stick with routines, in the morning I drove to the surf club for a yoga class. As my drive my way, I can't stop from crying. It was hard not to think.  I thought for awhile, as a year is added on me, I wouldn't mind sharing half of it or more of it to Kuya. Or even share the happines that I am having. He deserves to be happy and healthy and free of pain. He is a good man. One of the many that I have in my family, that's why I have very high standards when it comes to men.  I still fly out to meet people, it's a bit different today. I am going with the wish of seeing him but with low chances of seeing him. Painful yet I need to keep...

 365 QOTD  What is the last risk you took? This question is for August 8th that I had missed to complete. And as of today, I have a better answer to that.  Tomorrow, I will fly to Tokyo as transit point to go to Fukushima. My brother-cousin had been diagnosed with cancer that had spread from his neck down to his gut. I wont be able to see him due to COVID protocols and I cannot compromise his immune system coz I still am not vaccinated too.  It is a big risk to take both for me and him. But even before, I had decided to go and visit him as he is the closest to family that I could reach out to. It had been more than a year that I wasn't able to come home and it would feel nice to come close with a family member. But now, it isn't impossible, but totally frustrating with that idea of "so close, yet so far" . The frustration with the language barrier, the distance, the pandemic that doesn't seem to end. I could cry again and again.  Both my bags are packed and I am...

365 QOTD The last time I exercised was this morning!   I drove to a nearby park and practiced Ashtanga yoga poses A and B. But I missed working on pose C because I got distracted already. I was able to fly my drone but it was shaky coz it was windy but it was clear skies and just a perfect morning.  I promised that when I come back the hotel I will deal with work, but I am awfully distracted. I can't seem to put my phone down and I can't accomplish tasks other than the mundane ones that are essentials to keep functioning but I could live without prioritizing and just have focus on more of the hard work. But I have been avoiding the hard work and just sticking with little feelings of accomplishments, I suppose.  Also, I am contemplating on cancelling flights to Tokyo and visiting my cousin in Fukushima coz the Delta variant is within the areas and my cousin had been worrying about traveling around.  I just wanna be out of this place for a bit. I am giving myself ...

 365 QOTD  What did you have for lunch?  Coke zero and the crispiest chicken that I have found in Nichinan City! After a few hours, I had to vomit it all out coz I got dizzy and uncomfortable.  My meals had been erratic since last week. I tried to cook rice and viand, which I was able to get into last Tuesday but I ate it all off last Thursday, when I resumed my HustleHardSeries daily stories.  I keep reminding myself not to complain about this uncomfortable state that I am having right now because it is a once a year thingy and compared to all the good things that I have been able to experience with this job, I am so grateful.  I really just need to get through this in a grateful and professional state. After all, this is part of all what I signed up for when I said yes to this job.  Also, learned something new today. For the first time, I had to open the hood of my car to check on the engine oil.  I had ran my first 5000kms after my first engine...