Life of a Kat

Life rolled in and rolled off today.  Morning tasks and mundane chores.  Capping the day with a glass of beer and conversations about failed dating and hopeless romanticism.  Aiming for sunrise flow tomorrow. 

 Day 10 of 10 Work Week  I survived or I had lived? It was quite a roller coaster ride of 10 days, mainly because I had to work for 10 days straight and it kinda rocked my routines but was still able to pull through with things and deadlines.  I just got home from a long drive from Kanoya. I was also on a zoom call while on the road, and it was quite a tedious coz the discussion weren't so simple. I hope not to do it again. I think that was what really exhausted my energy. Lol But I'm glad to be in my own bed. Fudge. This was actually a bed bought by the guy who lead me on and didn't follow through. Lol. He bought me a very nice bed that I always look forward to sleeping on whenever I can. I wish I can sleep with him in this bed too. 😂  7 days holiday. Would have been nice to come home and surprise mama and papa and the whole family. 🥹 Good night.  Zzzzzzzz

 I ate a plateful of sushi tonight and drank a warm glass of milk. I am ready for bed. I still haven't submitted the resume for that researcher project opening. I am just not sure if I am fit for that. Though, the guide questions are already in place, all I gotta do is research and do the inquiries to the right people in my network. So tomorrow, I will submit a CV. Just to give it a try.  It will be in the season of Summer School but hopefully it will be a good distraction and diversion of energy as I try to disentangle myself from the thoughts of being lead on by a guy who probably is bored to death with his life and found me as a clown to entertain him.  I haven't felt this kind of feeling before against a guy. Either due to the low number of dates I had gone all my life or I am just simply dumb that I had no clear view of the guy's intention and certainly ignored the red flags. Or it could just be me trying to take things to the fast lane.  Oh well, I am here and ...

 It's 2AM and I woke up from a very bad dream. How do you stop unhelpful thoughts from haunting you? How do you stop of thinking of people that hurt you? How do you stop caring? How do you learn to ride the wave of lies and pretend that you're just cool with everything, the ignoring and the cheating that you don't intend to be part of?  I am so hurt right now that I couldn't even sleep.

I thought I will be able to do drills today but not at all. Morning was spent cleaning and cleaning and trying declutter and packing for a week-long work trip.  Had to also take extra half an hour for tire rotation as well.  Our island school received an award of appreciation from the local education office for its efforts during the fresh days of the aftermath of Typhoon Odette in the island. I cried. I was so happy and proud to be part of the efforts.  I am liking this daily journaling habit that I had built.  Long drive today to my usual work destination of Kanoya :)  Prep of the retouch stage of my microbladed eyebrow tonight

 How do I process today?  I'll just write it here coz I don't think it is fair to bug people on their weekend and most of them are really having a good time. They don't deserve to hear such an unfortunate event. After all, I am still alive and still here.  I just need to vent this out.  Today was make up lesson for a class the was cancelled last Saturday so I can cover for another set of lessons in a different location.  Aside from it is on a Sunday, it is also a 5-class day which is the heaviest load in the job. Also, after 3 classes, there is a 1.5 hour gap before the next two classes which were also comprised of very hyper kids.  There was this one kid who didn't wanna be in class, but he had to stay for two hours and on the second hour, he just acted crazy and started kicking stuff, taking away things and wanting to open the door which is a definite no-no for safety reasons. I think instead of winding down his emotions, it all flared up when I tried to ...

 I don't know how I was able to get up this morning and still managed to do some rope and poi drills and 3 minute plank.  Colored clothes laundered. Cleaned up a bit.  Floor polished.  Working building a one corner one use kinda of space to maximize habit formation and expulsion with the least effort exertion required.  What else can I say? I have been less anxious lately as I go over days of not having any conversations with somebody I thought I had a thing with.  I still haven't give up in the prayer that I would like to share the opportunity of growing old together with in life. For sure every now and then, I'm gonna have anxiety attacks but I will remember days like this one that I was able to got on with my day... happily tired and grateful.  Out of the blue, a friend of my messaged and said that I should start vlogging. Lol. I promised I'll try and post my ganaps for today but I obviously failed at it and this selfie vid was just an attempt to hu...

 My body is just sooooo tired today. I want. I need a massage 😩.  I knew I kinda will have crazy day and so I thought I'll take pic of myself before the weather, the meetings, the work, and this seemingly complicated life suck up all my energy for the day.  Don't mind the mess. Just tell me who did it better, me or the meow? 

Went to a bakery this morning and these tweets were there!   I only had to work 2 hours today.  Tomorrow, 4.5 hours.  Yes, My job is demanding. Lol.  I got to unlock some drills on the rope today and I couldn't be happier despite the throbbing muscles I have right now.  Decided to put a hold on taking trips this Golden Week. On a covid-free life, I would have booked a ticket by now :(  Still home sick and triggered, yet grateful for all the good things and people around me.  I miss home. 

 ...." date with an intention of marriage."  I would like to declare that when I go back to dating, I am going to date someone with an intention of marriage in mind.  As to when and who would that be... I have no idea. I intend to live my life in the moment, being grateful and of service to others and of meaningful actions.  In another story, I baked banana bread today. According to my sister, it is crispy banana bread and seems to be very dry as observed by my good friend.  Today was a well-spent day from morning til evening. I kinda closed it with catching up with a drunken friend and meeting new people in town and ending up taking my friend and his bike home to his wife. He was really wasted and all hopefully, tomorrow, when he wakes up and sober up, he would be able to recall what shitty things had happened to him. HAHA.  Readings in the early mornings. Flowings in the mid mornings. Prepping lunch.  Taking a nap. Going to work. Going back home to c...

 Will be heading to bed early tonight.  I haven't made any readings about grad school since Monday and I really should get going with it by tomorrow.  I was able to finish a Kdrama. As in legit finished one and I probably won't be delving into another one anytime soon considering the amount of time and lack of sleep it brought to me. HAHAHA Business Proposal really got into me. And I actually wanna go to Korea and visit those scene locations. The bridge, the park, the Christmas Tree Tower.  Tomorrow is another day. If I get to do readings in the mornings, I might consider doing archery after that. I have been wanting to go, its either rainy or I am lazy that I couldn't make it happen.  Hopefully this week, I can spare some time, given that I will be working 10 days straight.  Fun times. 

 What could I say about today?  Not totally out of routine but this has been a rare moment of binge-watching Kdrama for me.  I had always wanted to watch Business Proposal eversince I had read about it on my newsfeed. Today, I took the chance after a day of going around and now it is already 10pm.  Hahaha.. I couldn't catch the term of endearment for "babe" in Korean to think that I actually hate the word "babe" in English.  I had been trying to understand why people are so hooked on Korean drama and love series and maybe because of those "kilig moments" and tiny actions of affections that we internally wish a significant other would do and usually do and in real life were unappreciated by the receiver.  Only that at some level, the purity stance is overrated. But I'll take it.  Cheers to Monday. 

Good weather today. Thank you Lord.  You know how to calm my restless heart. Give me a heart still  hopeful that romantic love is something I deserve. Apart from your love.  I don't wanna die alone.   

 Look at that pitstop enroute to work on a Saturday. I wish I could have rope-flowed in this place, but I just didn't have the time to do so.  Spent the drive talking to J about failed romantic relationships and our inner wishes for peace and having someone for a lifetime partner.  Hay. I wish I can just stop wishing, maybe it will give me peace. 

So here's an early useless rant that can be used against me in the future, but that's for another day to think about.  He is leading me on. So, I have to stop. If he isn't leading me on and I still get confused, then I still have to stop. I think I have laid a good amount of cards out there as investment of feelings and I need to be able to save the rest of energy for another time and another human being that would need it better than right now. ... New thing called, Energy Management. :D  The thing is... I hope I can keep this promise to myself. I have a very bad history of being stupid when it comes to dating. Ugh.  Crying for the wrong person and wrong reason can give one dark eye circles, crow's feet and just no good feelings. What have I learned from this experience? ... 

We made it happen! Our first online webinar for the whole island of Siargao happened today with the key school administrators and teachers in attendance. My heart is just kilig-overload about it all.  It has been a good diversion of unhelpful thoughts about a pseudo-relationship I had built inside my head with a person who doesn't seem to give a damn about how I feel.  I would like to break this cycle of mine, and it is hard but I know that I'll get past this. This time, I hope I get past it and not repeat it. I'll get there.  I should just always remind myself that I live a good life. Not perfect in its moral compass but it is that kind of life that tries to be of somewhat purpose for oneself and for others.  I'll keep praying for that romantic love and that if I don't deserve it, may the Lord teach me the ways of accepting that. Wore this coat from the '70s I got from Ms. Lili's etsy shop and lovin' it. Sent her a pic and she mentioned being perfect fo...

 My heart is sooooooo kilig. My body is tired and I'm just happy and grateful for all the good things I have.  Here's a shameless selfie this morning upon waking up knowing that I would have a full on day.  Here's a bedtime selfie knowing that I am way past bedtime and it needs to change to the healthy one soon.  Here's last night's notes that never made it on time for a solo printing entry. Lol:  11 Apr 2022 It was day off from work today but it was raining outside and so I didn't really get to accomplish much as well. It was actually 

​The week rolled on and ended. It was such a calming way to end it in with a bonfire by the beach. I am so confused inside. 

The days had been tiring as hell, and today, I just wanna write today that despite all the tiresome tasks, the mundane chores and the slavery to work, I am grateful.  I am still seeking some warm embrace, but I guess, I just really need to accept my truth, that maybe, my growth will be that like of a tree. No warm embrace, but there be will storms to endure. But in the end, I am just human. It is hard. 

​Distracted for the day but was able to get some things done.  Today was quite a good pick up on the readings. I read about Student Achievement and probably that seems to be a viable topic to work on with the island school. Who knows.  We'll see. What matters rn is that I am able to pick up on the reading habit again. Today's work exp wasn't much fun and I just wish I can do better next time.  It seems that it is almost time to go for me to move out of Miyazaki. I am nervous and excited at the same time.  I miss D but I just can't seem to have the time to properly catch up for now. I wish he'd message me. 

 I woke up to a Tuesday and read 10 pages of a paper  seismic readiness and school resilience, with a very good literature, but the body itself is quite senseless. Or maybe that was just me thinking densely trying to make sense of the words at 5:30AM.  I went back to bed with my phone and fell asleep for an hour. Then woke up and took a very slow mode on my morning motivational vids binge on youtube.  But I know that I had to help Nika take her stuff for delivery at Yamato.  Also spent lunch time in a dress at Florante. Tita G asked if we can go and I know that I do wanted to go and that I can still put on hold the preparation for the slides and program flow for tomorrow morning.  I promise, I will do it.  Also, had the article for tomorrow's morning reading assignment up and ready.  Here's a photo dump from this early afternoon garden walk: 

 I got up this morning and didn't go back until after lunch for siesta!  Started the day with coffee, went out at 12 degrees in slippers for carwash. The cold water splashing on my feet, it really woke me up for the morning errands. And boy, except for the JP Bank Info update I can't do on my phone so I took the chance to go to the bank for help, that didn't really happen, but the others-- depositing tons of coins, updating the other bank for new visa info, cutting gym membership, holding the private tutorial lessons, public announcements for the upcoming webinar, letter to the local government unit and partner NGOs... I deserved that roasted pork with rice I cooked for lunch.  Work and dinner with co-workers at night and now, I am ready to call it a day. Tomorrow is another rocket launch kinda day.  I wish for someone to talk to about my day, until then, this page would be that. Who knows, one day, some day, I will still be writing about my days with a name with who...

Sunday went by just like that.  Morning was spent with deliberate edits and planning for the upcoming Webinar on the island school and past lunch time, I decided that we take a pause for the day and just do things we enjoy and other mundane tasks that usually occupy our peasant lives. Haha. Laundry, cleaning and supposed to be reading, but I didn't get any of that done for today, tomorrow is a new day and a grind day for that matter. The little things, and tasks and meaningful acts.  Afternoon was spent playing the piano and tinkering on the gadgets for recording and I certainly had learned the art of self-entertainment and I am grateful for it. 

Very longggg day. Started with a long drive. Had a long conversation with DB about his recently found love and my quasi-existential love affair.  Was in front of the laptop for a long time editing pub mats and ppt for the upcoming event. Had a not-so long nap. Put the laundry into a long dry spin mode.  Had a long lecture from Papa about setting up a one person corporation. Tita G picked me up for dinner with a common friend we both hadn't seen for a long time.  Ending the day with a long conversation with siblings on Discord about upcoming Mother's Day plans and my plans of some sort of buy-and-selling consumable Japanese products to earn some bits of PH funds and keep my sisters busy as well.  And I still have an assignment that is incomplete and due tomorrow.  That would need to be picked up by tomorrow morning.   

It is 0:50 as I start this writing. On a regular evening, I would have been snoring by this time and looking forward to another ropeflow day tomorrow.  But Friday seemed to have gone differently and the fool in me has been very busy.  As of today, we are working on launching our very first sponsored webinar for the year at our island school. It is initially because of a parent's query about her daughter and Jhe made professional consult and boom! These professionals offered to share their expertise for free!  I had been asking for this kind webinar exposure again and this time, the opportunity to be an organizer is on me! I am beyond thrilled and excited about how the 2-day webinar would be flowing. Still a lot of testing would need to be done before it is to be announced on Monday, but God, I am more than thrilled, I am not even speaking, I am just hosting it, and I am so excited.  Still need to drive home tomorrow morning. Gotta sip that milk for now.  Quick p...