24 Apr 2022

 How do I process today? 

I'll just write it here coz I don't think it is fair to bug people on their weekend and most of them are really having a good time. They don't deserve to hear such an unfortunate event. After all, I am still alive and still here. 

I just need to vent this out. 

Today was make up lesson for a class the was cancelled last Saturday so I can cover for another set of lessons in a different location. 

Aside from it is on a Sunday, it is also a 5-class day which is the heaviest load in the job. Also, after 3 classes, there is a 1.5 hour gap before the next two classes which were also comprised of very hyper kids. 

There was this one kid who didn't wanna be in class, but he had to stay for two hours and on the second hour, he just acted crazy and started kicking stuff, taking away things and wanting to open the door which is a definite no-no for safety reasons. I think instead of winding down his emotions, it all flared up when I tried to take away his hands from the handle and started kicking me and pushing me and the door handle on my back had been painful as he tried to push me away from the handle so he can open the door. I had to call the JT for rescue and good thing the other kids were just very kind and helpful enough to not make additional crazy attention-seeking acts. 

It was traumatizing at some level. What have I done for him to hate my class and my presence so much. They said that he was so much on task yesterday on their regular schedule with the Japanese teacher. 

For sure I have missed a lot of other details. But I will leave it at that for now. I don't know what else to say. 

I am now ready to cry. 

I hope he is okay. I hope I will be okay.