25 May 2022

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 Quite a productive day today, I would like to think. 

The draft I had written the other night and continued early this morning, seem to be taking shape into a research proposal. I hope. I am not really setting my hopes high to be included in this project, but I would like to give it a try and build relationship with the organization coz for sure they have other education-related projects that I can get involved with in the future. 

It is actually payday today and I was able to do some check and balance on my funding and hopefully, I get to be more financially-stable onwards. 

I had a conversation with D today, I was hoping for it to be long enough, but it didn't. He promised to call again but never did get through and when he sent a message, its already late and I am on work mode and has a headache and its bedtime and all other reasons. It breaks my heart, again and again. 

I just wish I have the courage to ask and so I can get the answer and respond to it appropriately, and not waste energy and tears. 

I just hope he would be more courageous to tell me that he isnt just not that into and so I can stop wishing for the non-existent. But the actions as it speaks to me, it is kinda clear that it isn't what I wish it to be. I need to start looking for it somewhere else. 


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