Life of a Kat

Almost the end of 3rd yr of driving and today I had my first traffic violation costing me 7000yen in total. 😅 Shoganai (can’t be helped/got no choice)  And at least it isn’t a car accident or anything close to having anyone hurt. Learning and experience are such costly moments in life, and I, in 2023 leave all those negative experiences behind and carry with me in 2024 all the great things this year has taught me.  As we remain hopeful for another year of grace, forgiveness and blessings, I will never get tired of daring for greater things as the Lord would always provide and had always provided all the great things in life. 

Life Update.  Parking lot secured!  Finally able to find a parking spot for Blue. It has been months since we moved but had been relying on coin parking, a tita’s parking spot in the city and free parking when I’m out of town. Dunno how we survived but today, we signed a year’s lease of a parking spot and couldn’t be more grateful with the thought of it.  D has been very into it and his language skills had come in handy with contract discussions and translations.  We had been having our misunderstandings recently, and last night, we bought weren’t able to fall asleep until we were able to mend it all out and I’m just relieved that we are very much open into communicating our thoughts and feelings and plans. Doing things together as partners and growing as individuals on our own.  The age gap challenges are slowly showing up but it has been personally teaching me humility and honesty. I had seen that being open with my thoughts had helped D step up his game and w...

Finally have my own nook at the new apartment!  I actually dont know how to start today's narrative.  I haven't fully-recovered from flu which I have been completely denying myself that I had and so I still try to continue with life despite the fatigue and exhaustion.  You see, dishes won't wash themselves and since we dont have a dryer, clothes wont dry themselves too.  Oh don't get me wrong, D has been so helpful. On the night of my high fever, he wouldn't sleep much at all. And he tries to really just do the chores when he is home. But when he is at work, it is just me and my mind and my excuses to not get things done while in here.  I honestly miss the old self that can get many things done, but I also know that I cannot bring it back the way it used to be. I just really need to change a few things here and there so I can get back in track.  We signed up for gym membership! Aint that fun?  It has been on my mind since I can't remember and I really ...

This is supposed to be my 7th entry for November, but that long detailed entry I wrote on the 1st wouldn't publish, nor get saved on drafts, and I tried to reset but I forgot to copy and paste the content. And so I lost drive to keep the blog going.  Excuses. Excuses. Excuses.  But here I am again, giving myself the second chance among the many second chances to keep on writing about my life.  It has been good. Too good that it’s so boring and as much as I miss the adventures I used to  do, this life right now, is way something good to give up on. Every day I wake up with a warm embrace and a kiss. Every meal, with a prayer, every moment, shared with somebody I can now call my home.  We are already at that point in our lives that we are shaking off the boat every now and then as life has gone too comfortable and growth doesn’t seem to come natural anymore.   I can’t seem to shed off the weight I have gained within the year and I feel sluggish and heavy. I f...

​I am always holding my phone but I never really took time to open my journaling app and just emo shit dump more and more. I should have done that more.  I should have taken my solitude moments in a more self-exploratory mode instead of scrolling mode. As I close my fair share of  10 months of 2023, l have a good mix of goods and bads, mostly the good are unexpected, the bads mostly resulted from inaction and excuses and there are certain times that things were really out of my locus of control.  To be able to bravely and shamelessly pen my shortcomings for my dreams and goals, is a big chunk of my desire to be out of the rut.  I was able to pick up myself a lot of times from past ruts, for sure, this time, I can do it again.  I should realize that it gets more exciting and fulfilling this time because I have a partner to divide the burden with and eventually, share the sweet taste of success as we go for the goal together.  61 more days and we call it a wr...

 There are just so many things I want to do... Update my expense tracker. Fold clothes and stack away most summer clothes. Change wardrobe for the cold days ahead. Clean up the house. Grocery shopping. Blog.  Do more video stories.  Read more.  Prepare questions for end of October training.  I am very much overwhelmed with things going on right now, but I can feel that I am handling things a bit better than I used to and I am glad about that. Maybe I could go for a good run tonight. Or maybe not. I have a lot clothes to fold and sort. Ugh. 

 Second to the last day of the 9th month of the year. then, 3 more months to call it a wrap for this month.  If my life will be a content that I will curate a story from, I wonder how it will all turn out? Will it be a story people will be willing to pay for? Will it be a story I am willing to share to the world?  Am I willing to share my flaws? My bads?  Of course I am excited to tell the world my triumphs, my inspirations, my dreams, ..... my journey.  But it isn't easy. Even here, sometimes, writing can be very painful. Most of the time, I am just lazy to move and write. 

​I weighed in and I’m at 55kgs today. I need to lose 7kgs to get down to my ideal weight.  I am filled with so much frustration right now about myself. I was able to reach it for 2 years and here I am falling out from it.  I am not sure which one I got so much high from, was the journey of being fit or being fit in itself. I remember telling myself that exercising and working out and seeing results of weight loss can bring a different kind of high, it’s addicting like everything else coz once you have somewhat reached a peak level of fitness in comparison to the previous self, it brings so much joy and confidence like never before. And I even told myself before, “If being fit is a form of addiction, this is the kind of addiction I would like to get stuck with for life.” I used to be the only one posting and sharing my fitness journey, now almost everyone who just used to message me about working out and weight loss, they are on the peak of achievement of their body goals....

 I think it's a good habit to do brain dump in here.  But that's what I have been doing here all along! LOL. But anyway, today, I tried to study/practice writing this morning. I just signed up for JLPT N4 exam and it costs ¥7500 (+/-75USD, +/- 3000PHP)  And so hopefully, this year, I am praying for that breakthrough in passing the test this time, knowing that I am dedicating time to learn and study. Consistency is still a hard thing to say that I have achieved but looking into our study charts on how we have been making time to prepare the test, I am hoping to have better scores this time. Albeit, I am excited to see my friends pass the test.  I woke up a bit late this morning and as I changed clothes, stood up in front of the mirror, I kinda liked the shape of my body, I felt lighter and happier and with that, I know that I can achieve this weight loss and active lifestyle I would like to restore in me. Still a long way to go. But I am happy that I am able to move....

​I wonder how it feels to be someone who have travelled almost all over the world.  I had always dreamed of seeing the world and now I’m 37 and have been to less than 10 countries, I still hope to travel around continents, be able to explore, share stories and learn more.  Writings are manifestations. And here I am manifesting to the universe, allowing for purpose and provision to be received and be used.  To travel. To explore. To share space. To grow in love and in light.  Xoxo Kat 

Today has been busy and still grateful for it.  I thought I lost the engagement ring that was given to me. I can't remember wearing it this morning. I only remember putting it in the little saucer plate I use to contain the earrings and specifically that ring whenever I had to take it off for the day.  I had a feeling that it is just inside the house, so I left for the day for a long drive for work.  Indeed, it was just there, but still I am confused that I had it mixed up with the crystal earrings in its own box.  A lot of overthinking has been going on in my head, and I am glad that I didn't let it win over me the entire day.  After all, if it was truly lost somewhere, I know in my heart that I looked for it. Honestly, the hands felt a little bit empty today without my fingers having nothing to fiddle with, my eyes had nothing to look as the ray of sun strikes into the tiny blue stone.  It may not be that big, loud, sparkly-type of ring a girl could wish ...

​I used to dream of a day that I’ll be a famous writer of some sort. Of how to do things, of how things had gotten better, weaving dreams and detailing the events as it all take time to be fulfilled, get a detour, re-route, or even start all over again.  An honest and consistent story of how my life had unfolded and been unfolding but there are times, that even here, I can’t write about it with all the excuses I could think of, all sorts of denial.  I want to write deeply. But I can’t even write about the simple things anymore.  Little steps. Tonight, I get to spill out my frustrations about myself and I feel alright.  Good night, self. 

Hormonal imbalance tipping off the scale way worse that ever. It is tough and it is all good at the same time, knowing that I have someone to fight this battle with me.  I would usually just cry and then be okay again. Work out and work more.  But now, knowing that he can also be suffering with the way I have to deal with this shit, he doesn't deserve to receive all of my emotional outbursts.  What do I remind myself whenever I get the chance?  "Better days ahead, Kat. Way better than it used to be just being alone to thread on all these kinds of mind battles coz this time, you are not alone."

Last hour of the last day of the first month of the second half of 2023.  Moments of graduations, postings of approval of proposals, thesis defense here and there. Internally, jealousy is eating me and self-pity is killing me inside.  I wish I am on that moment right now. I don't even know where to start with it, what to write about, but deep in me, I really want to be able to finish an academic research and graduate with a full MA degree. I just really wish that someone would be kind enough to lead me.  For now, that someone who needs to start with something is most likely ME.  I am trying to penetrate a very difficult circle to get into and even remain in, I really just want to be of someone with purpose and contribution.  While most ladies would be dreaming of dreamy and exquisite proposals and weddings, here is me, guilt-tripping myself for having fallen off the ideal weight, gaining so much fat and not being able to write anything that would be leading me t...

 I just wanna go home. Not that I don't like this job. But being away for days feels so lonely. Life in a hotel is good, for the first time in many months of coming here, I was able to just being the necessary number of clothes and underwear for the week of stay.  Also, I was able to control myself and not come home in the middle of the week, which I am not sure if it contributed to this feeling of just wanting to be home right away. Don't get me wrong. I love what I do. I appreciate the free time and all the possibilities it provides me.  As I am re-learning and unlearning a few things in this new chapter of my life, having the time to contemplate and really write down what matters to me, is something I am grateful for.  It is a true struggle to be able to find a good use of all this "free time" I have.  For now, I just wanna go home. Sleep. Excited to go to church again tomorrow.  I have never looked forward to Sundays like this before. 

​It is very hard to resist buying things that I think I need. But there is much satisfaction knowing that I didn’t buy any of those things I thought I need to buy right now. And having the strength and the ability to be able to wait until all the necessities are set straight and we can buy all these other things without hesitation and anxiety.  Moving to a new home has been both exciting and exhausting. There is that wonderful feeling knowing that someone awaits you and vice versa. The sharing of chores, the unbelievable arguments I never imagined I would ever have with someone and that feeling of warmth and embrace.  As we mark the checklist for each goal, it had been fulfilling and just exciting to make new ones. The past weeks had been tiring and felt like it had been a long time ago.  The pain, the haste, the recovery and then the moving.  Though there are still so many things left to do, the feeling of rest has arrived and I couldn’t be more grateful.  Onto...

I thought I'll continue working on the writing prompts this morning, but I changed my mind. I would rather just start writing from blank.  It has been raining for days and it had lead me to take life as slow as possible as well. I miss working out and regaining strength is what I need right now. So most likely just more stretch, a bit of weight-lifting here and there, and then substitute rice with something else, then I should be okay.  Today, I will be of course occupying my hours and days with reconnecting with two of the best persons I have ever met in Miyazaki that both helped me so much to get comfortable living in Miyazaki.  I am excited to move to the new apartment, though I know that there are other tasks to complete and focus on before it could happen. Forgive me. I am just excited for the new space. 

Week 5- People We Have Lost  Losing my grandpa and then my grandma was probably the earliest feeling of grief I could remember for myself. They were both old and gray and when they passed away, I knew to myself that it was their time to go. They had lived a good life, I had created experiences and stories with them on my teenage days and those were just precious moments.  I can't really pinpoint who is the most important person I have lost but the recent lost I had was important. Painfully important literally and figuratively, that recalling the experience for the past two months could suddenly just make me cry and grieve.  That if ever I could write a letter to it I would say sorry a million times for not being able to carry it well and not being able to take it of it. With that is also a promise that I will better myself in the coming days, so that when it comes back as a surprise, I will embrace it with open arms and take care of it with my whole life.  As I slowl...

Week 4 of 52 - Contribution I used to post selfies or shots of me that I felt I looked good and would be gaining lots of likes and hearts in the social media apps realm. Those pictures were mostly just from random days or trips here and there, most have stories of having fun, connecting or doing something meaningful as shallow or deep of cheering up myself at times when I need it most.  There were also times that I would share quotes and thoughts and people will be reacting with a "me too" moments and that's a great driver for me to realize that I am not the only one experiencing such.  I am teacher but most of the time, I don't feel like I am really contributing but whenever kids say they are having fun in class, it means a lot to me. Making kids feel that learning in general is fun and that it is not always fun but it is important in our lives.  On selected occasions, I donate money and time, specially for those kind of needs that I cannot provide myself like a few ...

Life has been crazy, busy, messy and bittersweet recently.  Making life-changing decisions and setting up couple goals together with that of personal ones has been exhilarating and scary at the same time. But the past few months since I came back from the Philippines has been a good test of the times for the both of us and I couldn't imagine threading these challenges with someone else.  You know that determination of wanting to just be a good and improved person, that's all I ever want to be, for him coz he has been such an amazing partner and for myself, just so when it's him that needs my support and protection, I could be ready for him.  I'll start with the goals of losing weight and maintaining a healthy weight and lifestyle. It has been fluctuating and the past two years of working out has been a life-improving experience for me and I want to stick to it, so I'll stick to it. How?  So here are 3 habits I would like to re-live with:  1. Wake up. Get up. Exe...

Most of the times, I feel so connected to the world, overly connected that I am so lost as to what could I positively do with my own life. As for people, I am very much connected with my partner and I am grateful for it. We are able to have so many levels of conversations- from crazy to really more life-changing plans and demands for personal and couple's growth. Also, I am growing this habit of early morning conversations with my mother. At around 9AM JST, I give her a video call and try to catch her on her busy moments of tending to her mini vegetable garden, setting up her sewing machine, or probably I just bothered her as she was watching some tutorial videos about gardening and cooking.  Over all, I feel connected, there are people who had suddenly felt I stopped connections with, but for sure it wasn't intentional. Life has just taken over in a different manner at this point and I am just gonna stay connected to those I care most, until they feel like connecting again or ...

Some things missing in my life.  Financial security  Energy  Living up to a purpose  I wish I still had the level of energy I used to have a few years ago when I can wake up early, drive up to a hill, enjoy the rising sun, camp out and be able to do physical activity that had made me strong and with more energy . I wish I am more active on the circles of purpose I used to be so active into.  I wish I had the sense of carelessness I used to have and be able to travel more and more. And still be able to fulfill financial duties I had put myself into.  I think, just like others, I am deserving of such things but I am just not having the proper attitude on being able to do those things. Waking up early and typing things like this and doing small things to get accomplished.  Graduating a complete MA degree may just not be in the cards given the kind of teaching environment I am at but I don't think that is an issue. I am just looking at Language Education a...

 I started desk works and coordination tasks today and I couldn't be more happier of being able to do so.  I also was able to start reading an article from theories of child development and it feels nice to be involved and to learn again and again.  I should keep doing this. More and more.  After all I have projects to do:  10-day Training Program for Teachers  Human Dignity Curriculum Adaptation for the Community  Preparation of Materials for Summer School Thesis writing that has been pending since pandemic Writing it here to remind me of personal commitments and goals. 

In the modern times when people aren't really reading anything much that isn't easy-read, I still want to keep writing. Coz I know no one will be reading it.  Life lately has been a roller coaster ride of emotions. Not that I am not used to it, but since life lately has started being build with a partner, it has been different, in a good way.  Though we never really had gone through the usual stages of courtship and would most likely be skipping that of proposals and saying yes to the proposal, and just signing contract papers that is assumed to keep us stuck with each other for a lifetime, life has been good. God has been good. To me. To us. Well, specially to me.  I miss writing so much as it has been my way of writing my manifestations to the universe, my unspoken desires and my wild dreams. All of which, in one form or another have been happening in my life.  I should keep writing so I have something to remind me of my hopes and dreams, whenever I feel lost and s...

I wonder when all these hormonal changes are gonna end and so I can just stop from suddenly crying and really just getting on with my days.  As I fully embrace the thought of big changes coming my way, my tears wouldn't stop from streaming down my face and blurring my vision.  I still fear so many things but I remind myself that for things that aren't within my control, I have a God, powerful God watching over me, looking after me, even when I am at my worst being and worthy of His Love and Protection.  He knows me. He hears me,  He sees me.  He loves me. 

It's payday! Now you know when I get paid in this job. HAHA But if you expect that there would be some kind of sharing of how much I earned, there are a lot of information on that that appears online, so just google it for yourself.  Anyway, as we take baby steps (pun intended) in the next big changes that will happen in our lives, I am still quite scared and excited at the same time about how it will all be unfolding.  I know I have found myself a very kind and loyal partner. Someone I had prayed for, for so long.  I just wish I can experience all the romantic steps that every girl could wish for: a proposal and a wedding with all the family members gathered in celebration.  For now, I am thankful for every day of peace and quiet and provision.  Thank You, Lord. 

Today feels like a milestone that I am just not yet ready to announce to the world.  And eventually you’ll find me writing more and more.      

List as many past jobs that you've held as you can think of. CSR Account Analyst/Manager Public School Teacher  Copywriter Customer Experience Officer  Bakeshop Keeper  Dishwasher  Piggery Keeper/Cleaner  Class Officer (high school and university) Are there any particularly funny, horrifying, or heartwarming moments you strongly remember from any (or all) of them? Jot some of your favorites down. When I was a teenager, every morning, I had to feed the pigs and clean their pens before getting on with my day.  Being a full-time teacher had most of the heartwarming stories, they may appear classic but yet, those are experiences that I am glad to have encountered coz working with the innocent and young minds are the hardest and yet most-fufilling because one is given an opportunity to mold young minds and share our soul.  But that wasn't my very first job. My first job was that of a CSR. When the ooffshore customer support job in its initial boom in the Ph...

 Standing in my way right now is the lack of energy and enthusiasm to pursue anything that of writing could make me discover and for me to be discovered.  If only I would be able to overcome this obstacle, I would that I would be able to present myself more professionally to the international community but most of all, be more of service to the NGO I currently serve.  I need to learn to be able to budget my time, have more patience in reading books, procrastinate lesser, exercise better and of course, worry lesser about money. I need to convince myself that I can do all these, coz I know that I was able to do all of them before.  I had always been using the same excuse of lack of motivation and energy and just regretted it every time.  I would like to think that these obstacles are just my own fears of being rejected and non-relevant, with the longest running obstacle called laziness, I have let life pass me by and kept me wishing I was in a different place part...

 I just wanna be able to write but I can find all the excuses in the world to let me know write anything at all. Then, I am frustrated that I cannot write and when I try to write, I am just so distracted then, I just do nothing anymore.  Can you feel the frustration in this writing about how I cannot write anything at all?  But it is also funny that I can come up with this and then it ends up as a writing. 

I woke up early this morning so I can have the hotel breakfast. Burn minutes on scrolling on my phone and finally was able to dress up for a good run and rope flow. I didn't really run that much but I had big and fast strides and a few seconds of running then running out of breath. Still it felt good to be out in the sun in the morning. Was able to do some more writing, and drafting and prepping, and from today, I am cutting off the netflix and chill vibe until I get my training manual in progress and going and then complete.  This is one of the biggest project I would be putting myself into and I am excited and nervous at the same time.  Time for bed. 

 Kids are on the side and minding their own thing as we wait for other kids to come and have their monthly English lesson with me.  Today was quite eventful. It is still hard to wake up at 6:30 in the morning, but had been getting good sleep, nonetheless after a long day, is good.  **** Getting back to this writing past midnight but still dating it for 20th of Feb as I just burned hours checking on luggage that I don't think I will ever buy because I am cost cutting and I am hoping that I would get something at a secondhand shop tomorrow for a good price.  I really should be sleeping by now. Tomorrow, I wake up early for breakfast, go for a quick jog coz I don't really run, just wanna enjoy the weather and the warming days ahead, and get on with the writing I promised my dear friend for her birthday.  Also, I just got less than a month to prepare for the training that I wanna do, might as well do what I can.  Thank you for today. 

​A friend so close to me is coming to Miyazaki and will spend a few days with me and I couldn’t be more excited about meeting her at the airport later.  I can already imagine my excitement when its my family who will come here to visit me.  It’ll happen. In God’s perfect time. 

 Tita Meow goes Plantita in 2023!  Ending Month 1 with a couple new things I have never tried before: 1. Learning how to care for plants and 2. Getting myself my first (take note: first) snap and build action figure of a Hello Kitty x Gundam theme.  I had always watered my lola’s plants in the yard but never really bothered to learn about anything about plants until recently.  A lot of complaining about January feeling like a very long month and here is it, on it’s 31st day.  Hmmm. I wonder what the rest of 2023 has to offer? Well, the 11 months will definitely just pass by if you dont take time to slow down from the demands of adulting and life itself. Go and try something new, functional and maybe (?) sunstainable. If it’s new like taking care of plants like I am starting, let’s hope these living things learn to thrive with a non-greenthumb human being like me. 😁

 I asked him to pray for us before going to bed. He is probably sleeping deep by now.  And yet, here I am still typing this away.  I am away for the week and we seem to be ending our days with video calls and chats until the weekend.  It was a long day for both of us and at 11pm, I tried catching up with the book I’m reading and since he was a bit chatty, I asked that he finds a book to read for himself as well until it’s time for both of us to sleep. I want him near yet I want him quiet enough that I can concentrate reading. Lol.  I want to grow old that way. Ending the day with a good book, next to a wonderful lifetime partner, who knows how to pray and lead a home. For the meantime, Thank You for a good Monday.  May the week be filled with Grace.  

​My new iphone14 arrived today! It was supposed to come tomorrow as per website but it made today! Better than I expected. I was thinking I’ll get it on the 4th coz we got a long trip coming tomorrow.  This is actually my very first brand new phone in Japan. Every phone I got since I came here were either passed on to as used or I bought it second hand from an online shop.  I got it on a 3-year installment directly from the Apple Store and I am hoping to pay it off sooner as soon as I get my other payables covered, my car insurance set for next year, my car paid off and being more familiar and set on savings and more ideal investments onwards.   I haven’t really had a longer conversations with my family but I do hope to do it more often, way more often and way deeper conversations than the last year.  Long drive to drop off Jay tomorrow and I really hope she had a good stay with me for the past 2 weeks. It was quite a holiday with her. I’ll treasure it forever. ...

I dont know what to make of the past few days and the new days ahead.  I haven't sat down to do a review of the year it has been nor had I taken the time to work on my 2023 year compass.  Today, I had my very New Year sunrise viewing experience and it was exhilarating.  The sun had always been a friend to me. As a morning person, it gives me energy.  In the afternoon, we watched Avatar and it reminded me of so many things I love to do such as yoga, archery and free-diving. In 2023, I don't aim to accomplish more, I just aim to get to finish the unfinished tasks and commitments I had made.