Posts

Showing posts from 2020

What is your next major deadline? What is it for?

366 QOTD 
What is your next major deadline? What is it for?
First, we will change "is" to "are". 
I have two major deadlines. One is for the finalization of the research questions for my thesis, due this end of month.  Next one is a 2-pager rhetoric on the science of COVID 19 to a specific target audience. 
And I spend the rest of the day as usual, scrolling, scrolling and scrolling. HELP! 

I need to hide my phones somewhere and I need to hide them well. 
It is almost Sunday and I really need to get my act together, if I really want to complete this MA degree. 
I need to complete it. Or else, I don't know what will I do in life. 


Happy-to-be-Durog Thursday

Finally calling it a day after a loooooooong day of mixes. I don't think I can still do a 15-minute programming practice tonight but that is okay. The day job was more on the nitty gritty part of filling the learning stations with content to jumpstart the new school year which is exciting as always. Today's major takeaways came from 2 separate conference calls. First was with a conversation with classmates about the Philippines' status and how instead of posting our sentiments and angst on social media, we should learn to share it with our most trusted groups. Because in a world, where everything is under surveillance, it will be a challenge to put a plan of collective action without being monitored. Second call was with teachers from around the globe and learning about the creative efforts of every teachers in the community and how they are tapping resources around them from offline printed materials distributed to homes, to local radio stations, voice calls and a lot of …

Why?

366 QOTD

Why?

Hmmm... then this question word is the start of all the other whys...

Let's begin.

Why are you staying where you're at right now?

One will probably be because it had become my comfort zone. It is, despite the lack of financial security that I am experiencing, on top of that, I am enjoying the learning process that I am being exposed to, with the kids and my co-workers. It is humbling, but of course, I am also having my not-so-humble attitude springing up every now and then and I keep reminding myself of who I really am.

Why Japan?

It is a very nice place and I have been living in a very nice and laidback city, away from the hustle and bustle of life.

Why do you go to the gym?

For many reasons-- I need to find meaningful reasons to do when I go out of the house. I need to take care of my body and my health. Keeping an active lifestyle through workout can do that. Also, for me not to feel so guilty of eating rice almost every day.

Why do you blog?

Because I can. Wr…

Who is the last person you said "I love you." to?

366 QOTD

Who is the last person you said "I love you." to?

Of course, my Mom.

It is a Sunday and as usual, we have morning video chats before they go to church. But today, they didn't go to church, because social gatherings aren't allowed because of the corona virus that is going around the world.

Every day, every call, it will always end with a "Labyu." from me.

*******
I am currently rendering a video to be played in school on Saturday and it says it will take an hour or so, so might as well do answer the previous QOTDs on the list.

Hahaha. Define "trying to get caught up with life."

*******
March 14
List 3 things you have faith in.

I have faith in God... that He is always with me. In seasons, in health, especially at times when I doubt myself so much.

I have faith in myself, that with prayers, persistence, discipline and constant reminding of oneself, I can always be who I want to be.

I have faith that in God's time, I will find or The One …

Yes to readings

Just when I thought that passing the Compre exam late last year was the only thing I have to get through and then after 18 months I will be finishing grad school...

I should have listened to those you quit this challenge or had never pursued this path.. but here I am, taking this path, as I would think... "the less traveled." as of now.

As the proposal days are coming closer and closer, means that I need to read more and more. I feel like I am in Law School. Our professors had already made efforts in outlining what we need to learn, we just have to follow. Reading and self-discipline are hard to find for me lately.

As per my phone, my screen time is ranging from 2 hrs up to 5 hours in a day just for social media. Tsk. Today, I timed my reading of a case study and I finished a 10-page write up in 1.5 hours including the note-taking.

I need to read a minimum of a hundred studies and related literature to be able to come up with something reliable and it should have started soo…

What relaxes you?

366 QOTD

What relaxes you?

Good conversations over alcohol.
A good workout in the gym.
A great song while in the shower.
Writing about my day.
S*x would probably be the best release to relax but I am at the "wish mode" for that right now.

*******************

Weekend came and weekend will leave soon.
So grateful for closing the past week with good conversations, from honest to kept secrets and confessions.

Today is Mama's birthday. I greeted her differently this year. I would usually write some ode-like entry about her but today, I shared an anecdote of our usual Sunday video conversation and I couldn't be happier for having my birthday greetings like that this year.

I still owe Mama a lot. My life, I owe it to her and to Papa and I hope to already start working on piling up the resources to give them the dream house I want for them, after that, if ever I don't get a chance to have my own family, I probably would be ready to die, for I have accomplished an ultimat…

What do you wish you had left unsaid?

366 QOTD

What do you wish you had left unsaid?

There was nothing I wish I have left unsaid, but I wish I have said things nicer. It probably would have felt better.


Regla Sa Utak March 2020 Edition

Image
4th of March 2020.  I am feeling it. I can see it coming. Then, it was already there. 
That evening, I had a very bad response to my big sister-cousin's announcement that they are changing her daughter's birthday theme. Just when we all had their birthday balloons delivered and one has been inflated. I had said all the unkind words I can think of that moment and my cousin also took it seriously and never responded to me thereafter. 
Oh well, then, there is this other person who was also trying to be smart and then ended up being... I don't know.
Good thing that we had to a surprise dinner outside and I was able to eat a cup of ice cream. I really realized how pesky and stubborn I had been and my pride couldn't take it to apologize for how such an a bratty, biatch had I been and continue to be. 
I just had to take a deep breath. 
Wednesday also tried to eat me alive. I cried. Tears welled up my eyes as I tried to walk my way home and realize that I had left my key in s…

The funniest thing I've heard today

366 QOTD

The funniest thing I've heard today......

I can't remember anything specific..
Today was a good day. I spent it with 3 of the people closest I have here in Miyazaki. And it was just all fun and laughter around them.

Grateful for having spent lunch with a newfound friend in Rina. She is just a ball of laughter and giggles. I bet, there will be not a lot of down moments when she is around.

Grateful for exchange of photos from home.

Grateful for short exchange of convo with Kuya J in California. I can't wait for him to meet my other siblings and I hope he gets to connect with them the way he is with me.

Grateful for the chance of travel despite the gloomy weather.

Grateful for the wisdom and the willpower to study for a few hours this morning.

****
Though I still lots of pending stuff to do.
Keeping it real and going.
Will need to deliver as promised.

I missed going to the gym for 3 straight days and I think my usual issue is not with the gym sched it self but with t…

Begin Again.

Thoughts from James Clear of Atomic Habits:

If you wanna be a writer, you just keep writing. No matter how many letters, no matter how many words, no matter how many lines.... You just get start writing.

March 1st it is and I am saying hello to writing.

So far, my cues for writing were mostly cold, thus not much output, but will definitely work into and have it all ready for some actions in the coming days.

So many things to write about: for school outputs, for story-telling, for self.

And so it all begin again.

2 Thoughts before Bedtime

1. I realized how my mom enjoys following through my social media posted stories. I told myself that I will keep posting more stories-- for several purposes: for the fun of it and for my mom.

It is gonna be her birthday soon and it was such a bad decision to ask her what she wants....

She wants a thermal massager bed worth Php 150,000. Told her, it was perfect as a Christmas gift as it gives us time to save up and for the item to be on discount! HAHA.


*******
2. Life has been good. Not perfect, yet I know that I just need to keep my head above water and my life in motion just so I can keep going. I was able to survive almost a year with less than average of a paycheck, now that I have a little bit more, that means, I have more opportunity for saving and little investments to start with.

Little steps. Small goals. Big dreams. You got this, Kat.
Always remember that you got an Amazing God backing up your every plan, a loving family and wonderful friends all over.
Don't worry about y…

A Prayer When You Need It Most

I can't stop crying.

Lord, the days are getting harder and harder for reasons I am having a hard time figuring out why. It has been harder and harder to get through the days without having to squeezing feelings on my chest and the feel to just cry and just be weak. It is tiring to be strong. It is using so much energy.

Lord, let me find my peace in solitude. Keep me reminded that I have such a good life filled with Your grace, knowing that I have Jesus in me and that I have a family praying for me.

Lord, give me the strength to shoo away the whispers in my head about being needy, lonely and purposeless. Never let me go, Lord.

Another day had gone. Another day tomorrow. I will close my eyes for  a good night sleep. Knowing that I will eventually find my way into with gladness and joy for service and living a good life worth-offering to the Lord when He comes again.



Brain Red Alert Feb 2020 Version

I knew it will be chilly outside. So after the gym class, I hurriedly changed clothes and headed out. I was prepared for the cold but not for the drizzles. I suddenly felt pity for myself and started fighting back the tears that had been wanting to roll down my cheeks earlier today.

I suddenly felt the need to move out of Miyazaki but I am not sure where to start at all. To start with, I need to pinpoint why I am feeling this way, what factors are in play and how to calm them down just to make sure that my decision-making isn't based on the inner emotional somersault that I am battling with on a regular basis.

I always tell myself, "If it is time to go, it is time to go."

I always pray to God, "To give me the wisdom, for His discernment and guidance."

I always tell myself, "Just keep doing what is right at the moment and something that won't harm others in any way."

Am I a functional depressed person? Or am I just seeking attention?

As I take note…

My Flower Throwback Story

In 2015, two days before Valentine's Day, on a Thursday, I received a bouquet of long-stemmed white roses accented with a red one in the middle. Someone whom, I had an online encounter and became a social media friend sent it to me, anonymously at first and then he opened up himself through email that same afternoon. He sent me another set of of flowers the next month, this time with scentful stargazers and big daisies. 
We never had the chance to meet in person. But I do know that he is happily engaged to a beautiful girl whom he had taken to his travels and adventures. 
As to why we had never met in person, was my fault and now, as I write this, I have found peace and purpose for rejecting that invitation. It would have changed their life story, delayed their meeting or have never met at all, together with a devastated feeling and unrequited kind of love. Or maybe, I may have loved him but it will never be fair for him. 
Five years ago it had been. Five years ago that I had that fl…

Met Them in Tokyo

I booked that flight weeks before, looking into the cheapest possible plane fare I can grab. Deep inside, I am excited yet, as the days go by, I realized that I will be meeting these people for the first time. And I don't know what to expect. All I know is that we are relatives.

Either way, as the days go by and the stress was building up again, I just can't wait but get onto that plane and be somewhere else.

*********

They picked me up at the airport. After some time of figuring out where the parking lot is, I was welcomed with a hug by a lady in leather brown trench coat, wearing black-rimmed spectacles and white Alexander McQueen sneakers. Two young men were with her, her two kids, Kuya J1, the first born and the designated  holiday driver, presently-based in JP for his line of work. Kuya J2, the teenager and the birthday boy in town for holiday.

"Sorry, we kept you waiting." said Kuya J1.
"It's okay." I said with a smile on my face.

Tita M did the in…

On a scale of 1-10, how is your health?

366 QOTD

On a scale of 1-10, how is your health?

Very timely question! With the nCov on the lose and the panic and sensationalized existence, we can't help but always freak out whenever.

I have been nursing a dry throat, nasal voice and back and shoulder aches every now and then.

At the gym, I am an irresponsible user as I have been always on my phone chatting and answering queries and all that. Friday gym time will be a lot better. Hopefully.

*******

I'm thankful for mindfulness. There has been a lot of triggers for negative reactions around me and though I may have slipped in some occasions, so far, I am at a manageable state of emotion but I am definitely having a lot to complain about, to scream about and for sure, I also need to hear things that makes me as toxic as I am right now.

Still grateful for the good weather days and very excited for the weekend to meet relatives in Tokyo.
Next time, it will be my parents and my siblings.

Thank you, Lord.


Tomorrow I will _____________________.

365 QOTD

Tomorrow I will _____________________.

Tomorrow is Wednesday and that is my longest working day. So, I will work til 9pm and I will go to the gym for a stretch and a good shower.



*****
Hmm.. Just when I thought that I am having a good start, the world around me isn't. With plague, war and tragedy just on the first month of 2020.

In another note, I promised to answer more of the QOTD and keep putting it off just because, I am still dedicating time to social media a lot! I am slowly working on it as I get started again with this journaling experience which had become my refuge for many years now.

January is my anniversary in officially-launching this page many years ago. This had brought me countless of humbling stories and wonderful friends I intend to keep for a lifetime.

This blog had transformed into different page titles yet, it stick to that theme of randomness, gratefulness and being an outlet when the world doesn't feel like listening to my dramas.

The first mon…

Excellence for 2020

Conversations at home are becoming funnier and funnier over time. Making me miss dinner table hours and Sundays the most. 
Today, I filled out the yearcompass(dot)com form with my friend. 
She came over for lunch and brought some desserts. I cooked spaghetti in tomato and garlic sauce and I am just relieved that she liked it. 
After that, she helped me in translating some important pointers about the Principles of Jena Plan, which has been the heart of the curriculum that we are developing for the school. 
We almost forgot about the YC project because we were so engrossed with the conversation about the education sector, culture and just everything serious about what we do as teachers. 
Glad that we were able to complete it.
EXCELLENCE. -- that was the word I had put for 2020. 
2019 had been mostly for the sake of completing and getting things done. Let 2020 make up for it by having that mindset of giving the best, sharing the best and showing the best of myself in every piece of wor…

Keeping the cycle going.

I passed the test.
ALL PRAISE TO THE LORD!

I sent the message to our family group chat. I couldn't hide my excitement. I even cried for having that overflowing joy in my heart. I completely ignoring the upcoming, painstaking moments I will need to survive during the next 18-month journey. 
I passed the exam.  That exam that it took me next-to-never to take, schedule and adjust.  That exam that costed me a same-day flight back home because I had gone to the wrong airport on my way home from Osaka.  That exam that will open that door of crazy days, writer's block moments, and procrastinating hours.

This academic endeavour will definitely keep my heart beating.

I just remembered Dominique Francon in the book, The Fountainhead, she had a moment in her life that she chose to just keep going eventhough it seems like she is already dead, still she kept moving forward. She found her purpose in suffering and in the end, the circumstances brought her peace by choice and then to the even…

2020 is for Claiming

My word for the year 2020 is CLAIM.

In 2019, I had engineered my smallness and what I think I deserved. I kept things low and small and most of the time stopped big dreams and put on hold greater plans just because.... I felt safe in here.

The last year was a time for recharging and energy-saving. This year, 2020, is about the time to use those I have gathered.

Claiming big goals.
Claiming greater strength is accepting rejections and failures.
Claiming humility in every goal achieved.
Claiming accountability for every shortcoming.
Claiming responsibility for every promise.
Claiming honesty for feelings.
Claiming vulnerability for the need to be with someone.
Claiming love for one person, for people around me and for my advocacy.

Claim. Claiming. Claimed.

With every CLAIM, there is prayer to the Lord.
With every CLAIMING, there is honor for the Lord.
With every CLAIMED, there is sharing of the blessing from the Lord.

Writing this down so that when I feel like giving up, I have somethin…

To A Decade It Had Been

Finding words to describe a thought is a struggle, especially when it has to be just one word. A word to describe a year, what more for a word to describe a decade. 
Indeed, ending 2019 isn't just about closing a year in itself. It is about walking past a decade of our lives and welcoming a new frontier. 
I started the decade with a newfound love and learning the ropes of romantic relationships, immersing myself in the BPO sector and fulfilling my goal of helping out my siblings be sent to universities. 
Then came, the almost we-are-getting-married moment, the hurtful break up, the comeback on online datings, the wrong expectations and the brokenheartedness because I am so ignorant on how to deal with flirting and then the ghosting. It had been cyclical-- of getting into the circle and pledging not to ever get back to it, but then, would have my eventual slips and feelings of pain, doubt and my fear that I hope not to reach that point of indifference. 
Career had made a complete 1…